Chimps Everywhere These Days

You would have thought that the world of politics in 2016 in Britain would, at least, be one area where there was a sense of decorum where adult human intellect was used to resolve differences of opinion and issues were robustly debated.

Not so in UKIP, the right wing party who have enjoyed some electoral success recently. A party meeting descended into violence with the prospective leader spending some time in hospital after suffering head injuries. This is classic chimp behaviour sorting issues out with the fists. But surely politicians should be above that sort of thing. One would think.

However, if we examine the political messages communicated by UKIP again it is classic chimp behaviour. "We are one troop and these foreigners are a different troop, therefore we should be wary of them." Even the most basic common sense analysis of this reveals it as absurd. There is no reason we should have anything in common with someone just because they happen to be born in the same place as them. The converse is also true why should we be suspicious of a person just because they happen to be born in a different country?

I'm wary of plenty of characters from my home city, I have to say, based on their demeanour and motives rather than their nationality or colour.

However, UKIP are one thing but surely the Conservatives, the party of Government here in the UK at the moment, would not engage in divisive troop based rhetoric. Not so, sadly, they are appealing to the most base of instincts by wanting employers to list all their overseas employees for example. For what purpose we wonder.

Worrying times with too many chimps about.

Cheers
 

Thought Traps; even more

I think we all jump to conclusions at times without assessing the evidence. This is a major thought trap that we need to analyse. For example, there are many situations where we rely on feelings rather than any evidence and conclude that there is a negative outcome based on nothing other than our own skewed perception.

An even more extreme example of this is where we read someones mind and conclude they don't like us or that they are angry or upset with us even though there is no evidence to support this view.

These traps are very difficult to get out of as they are normally very deeply ingrained patterns from childhood. CBT is a really good starting point to get out of it; although face to face conversation and counselling is not for everyone. A really good place to begin is the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters, I know I refer to it a lot but it is because it is so effective and helps us start to realise most of these thoughts are the responsibility of the Chimp and as adults we can do something about it and start to challenge these patterns.

Cheers  

The Talent Code - Errors are Good

Another favourite Author of mine is Daniel Coyle who wrote the Talent Code and The Little Book of Talent.

The Talent code is an fascinating read where he basically debunks the old myth about talent, there are other such as Matthew Syed and Carol Dweck who also have written on the same topic.

He argues that success has nothing to do with our old fashioned notion of talent and everything to do with purposeful practice and the quality of the feedback received by the learner.  

He focuses on success stories like a Tennis school in Russia which has been responsible for some of the best players in the world. The building is not plush, basic even, but it is the ethos of focusing and fixing errors which helps players develop at a precocious rate.  

However, those of us who suffer from a lack of confidence find it difficult to focus on mistakes and will often try to cover up and hide our mistakes. Therefore, we miss crucial learning opportunities.

I have heard the quote "Mistakes are good" but it is sometimes still tricky to adopt that approach in our lives.

Cheers

Gratitude

I know I initially stated I would try to write about confidence related issue every day. However, sometimes, life gets in the way. This weekend I found out a work friend who had kids the same age as me had passed away following a battle with cancer.

As you can imagine I’m still trying to get over the shock and sadness at this point.

However, I know I have spoken about feeling grateful but it is sometimes difficult to find reasons to be grateful when we hear news like that.

Cheers

Even more on CBT

Two more though traps that are very common and I have been guilty of in the past are Mental Filters and Disqualifying the positive.

Mental Filters can start us in a cycle of negative thoughts. We focus only on the negative of a situation, we then ruminate on those negative feelings which increases their importance so that our memory of an event or outcome can become distorted. I always try to focus on partial successes at this point. Every situation is made up of positives and  negatives and everything can have some form of positive outcome, even if it is just a learning experience.

Disqualifying the positive is another related thought trap. We respond to a situation by discounting anything which may reflect positively on us putting it down to luck or circumstance. While any negative outcomes are definitely our fault. This can be an easy trap to fall into where our own achievements are less worthy than those of others. The imaginary twin I mentioned yesterday is a good tool to use here.

These problems are easier to identify than solve but at least if we start analysing our own thought patterns we can become aware of any errors.

Cheers

More on Thought Traps

There are loads on CBT techniques online which include ways to identify thought traps as if we know what traps we may fall into then we are more likely when we are making these errors of judgements and do something about it.

One more that springs to mind is magnification which is also known catastrophising. This is a very common trap for those of us with confidence issues to fall into. We tend to under estimate our own achievements and abilities while at the same time ovethinking and exaggerating the importance of things that may go wrong. 

Using an imaginary twin (unless you have a real twin even better) you can picture the in the same circumstances and situation. Does the situation seem so bad or negative. We need to be kinder to ourselves.

Cheers  

Thought Traps

I have read up on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and attended a introductory course on it and I really like some of the tools on offer.

One of the points that stuck on my mind was that of "Thought Traps".

I think we have been all guilty of some of these at times

For example I can think of many times I have been guilty of black and white thinking where as soon as one thing goes wrong then we believe that the project is a complete disaster. I have been trying to train myself to try think of everything as a partial success with some lessons to be learned.

Also over generalisation, for example I allowed my self to be tainted by having a cheeky and mean spirited boss when I was younger. I then believed all bosses had to be mean spirited and nasty to get ahead. Although no doubt some are (look no further than the entrepreneur and republican presidential candidate) most are not.

However, identifying the problem is the easy bit, it is hard to alter deeply ingrained thought patterns but at least awareness of Thought Traps is a good starting point.

Cheers