The benefits of sleep

In recent years there has been a significant amount of scientific research proving the benefits of sleep.

It has been linked with such things as improved memory, longer life and improved creativity.

If we take improved memory for example apparently when we are learning new skills we need sleep to rehearse these skills, whether mental or physical, using our subconscious. 

What has this got to do with confidence? Well, if we can be sure we can learn and memorise anything we focus on as well as feeling well rested. Surely that will boost our feeling of well being.

In addition, as I have mentioned before, it is my view, that being fit and training hard helps boost confidence.

Well guess what? Sleep also helps us benefit from training and exercise allowing us to recover more quickly and gain more from the training sessions.

I'm off to bed

zzzzz


Cheers

Practical Problem Solving

Many people with low confidence can end up trapped in a cycle of ever decreasing self belief as they put decisions off or stick their head in the sand and hope problems go away.

When we think about it in the cold light of day it doesn't make sense to procrastinate but we all do it and it only makes things worse.  

The NHS online resources can be source of pretty good advice and they say the following about problem solving

"Identify the problem
Identify all possible solutions
Evaluate pros and cons
Select a solution
Plan
Do (put the plan into action)
Review"

This appears to be pretty common sense advice but it is amazing how often we will ignore issues.

If we sit down with a pen and paper (or a laptop) and go through the stages we can think more clearly about the issues becoming less emotionally involved. 

Furthermore, research indicates that if we write down a "to do" list we are far more likely to actually take some action.

It sounds like a plan

Cheers

Confidence and Exercise

In recent years I have increased the amount I have trained and exercised significantly. I think I have become slightly addicted as I become edgy and tetchy if I don't have a regular dose of sport.

Much of the advice on confidence states that we should train and work on our fitness to help come out of a rut. For example even NHS advice on depression states that regular exercise can have a positive impact on our moods.

My own experience would support this idea; when I look back at the times of my life when I was at my happiest they tend to coincide with the times I was at my fittest.

However, when you are feeling low and short of confidence starting a new hobby, joining a gym or even stepping out the house in your shorts for a jog can be a daunting prospect. I remember the first time I returned to running I felt lumpy and lethargic as I tolied round the hills of Glasgow. It was the same when bought a bike I thought everyone was staring at me!.

Thankfully those experiences were a few years ago now and the one thing I would say is try not to worry or feel self conscious as NOBODY ELSE REALLY CARES.

Joggers and runners travel along pavements almost unnoticed. If I were ever to rob a bank (don't worry things aren't that bad!) I would swap the getaway car for my running stuff as I would be totally anonymous.

However, the good it does for us both mentally and physically cannot be underestimated and it is one of those hobbies where it is not a massive disadvantage having an addictive personality

cheers   

Confidence and Religion

I am not a religious person whereas many of my friends, family and colleagues have a faith of one flavour or another.

However, I do find myself attending church for one reason or another and today I joined my wife at her church as the current minister is moving on (and there was a free lunch on offer as well!) 

I have always admired and slightly envied people who can use their religion as a support to give them faith in the face of problems, crises and setbacks.

There is also much to admire in the notion of treating others in the way you would wish to be treated yourself which is a feature of many religions.

But, is it possible to use the same mental tools used by those of faith; A belief that all will be well even when one doesn't believe in any Deity. Even the most religiously observant don't actually see any benefit at the time other than increased calm and assurance that all will be well.

Well, anything is worth a try. I'll give it a go

Cheers

  
 

16 personalities

A feature of my youth, like many of us I would guess, was a complete lack of self awareness. This would then lead me to make wrong choices resulting in negative outcomes which would obviously lead to a dent in my confidence.

Whether it was career or relationships or anything else for that matter; I made a series of wrong decisions leading to long term unhappiness.

I wish I had known about websites like 16 personalities, google it and take the test.

It is based on the Myers Briggs personality theory and it eerily accurate.

Having self knowledge and understanding our own strengths and weaknesses is such a valuable tool and allows to make decisions in keeping with our own values.

Cheers 

 

The benefits of perseverance

I know I have spoken about the benefits of perseverance and grit before when it comes to many aspects of life but today I am actually beginning to feel this is working.

I am beginning to feel more confident and assertive, just by giving the subject some conscious thought every day. 

It has made me focus on the subject more whereas before you only become aware of draining confidence when it is gone. This experiment makes me think about it every day and therefore take action when I find something which has had a negative impact.

The difficulty is that, unlike losing weight or taking more exercise there is no data to fall back on, no facts other than my own mind. However, I do feel it is working.

Wonder if anyone has noticed!

Cheers 

Final Lesson from Neuroscience

Neuroscientists came up with four pieces of advice to help us become happier. The first three I have already mentioned in previous posts; make a decision now, count your blessings and label any anxieties with a name.

The final one is far more straightforward; Hugs

Apparently the more human contact we have, especially with our families, the happier we become.

So, go on, Hug someone today, even hug a hoodie as David Cameron suggested a few years ago.

Cheers

Fit Bits

I have recently bought a Fit Bit and have slightly addicted to the app which displays information about sleep patterns, calories burned and exercise taken in a very detailed format.

I have found it has been really good for raising my awareness of what I am eating and the calories contained. I am determined to retain my enthusiasm for it as it helps me make positive health choices throughout the day even after I feel I have earned a "reward" after a gym session or run.

However, if such a thing existed for confidence it would be an amazing thing, we could keep track of our confidence levels, even identify occasions where our levels dropped as we could then do something about it.

Something I will give some thought to

Cheers
 

Living Life on your own terms

I have been thinking about this phrase 

Living life on your own terms 

quite a lot recently

I think many of us who suffer from confidence issues can fall into the trap of doing things to make others happy. But that seldom makes us happy.

Interesting concept; being yourself and doing your own thing.

I'm going to do more of it in the future

Cheers

 

Response Ability

We use the word responsibility all time when thinking of all the things we have to do, work, kids, house and so on but we never think about it in the sense of the word as it was originally derived.

"Response Ability" our ability to choose our responses is a slightly different way to think about it.

In every situation we can train ourselves to choose our own response, we can choose to be  meek or we can choose to be confident.

Now I know this is really easy to say and far more difficult to do, but even if we are aware of our choice we don't have to be a hostage to fortune any more.

It takes time, as ever!

Cheers

Three Post in one day

I know I made it my mission to post about confidence every day but I had a few things on, all positive, so here I am posting three times today. all on separate points though.

Yesterday I completed a 65 mile cycle event known as a sportive in Ayrshire here in Scotland. Now summer in Scotland is not summer in Spain or even England. We faced 50mph winds and torrential rain and at one point when fixing a puncture I longed for a hot shower and a warm house. However, we completed it and now it has lifted my feeling of well being hugely.

I cycled with an old school friend who I hadn't actually seen since 1988 so it was a bit of a strange occasion and obviously beforehand I was slightly nervous. But is went really well and we got on great. Maybe adversoty does bring people together.

Cheers 

Don't Procrastinate

The third lesson from Neuroscience about being as positive as possible is to try to make decisions quickly

I know this is easier said than done when we are not feeling good about ourselves.

It is easy to have doubts and imagine all the possibilities that could go wrong.

And in the end get into fudge and never make a decision.

However, I have tried to improve my decision making in recent years and the most liberating point for me is that; there is no such thing as the perfect decision. Modern life is so complex with so many possible scenarios that we can only ever go for a good solution rather than a perfect one.

So forget about making the perfect decision and just think if it seems to work I'll go for that!

Some Early Success

When I started this Confidence Workshop project I really had no idea what impact it would have on my life. It is an idea stolen from a book called the happiness project where the author deliberately worked on her happiness for year.

My though was could this be replicated for Confidence, if I were to actively write about and think about my own self belief could it improve.

Well, today for the first time I actually felt different in a good way, more positive and confident.

Today was the first day back for the pupils at our school and I have to say I felt better more confident, more self assured, which is really pleasing.

More of the same please.

Cheers

More from Neuroscience

Point No 2. from the scientific research is 

Label any negative emotions. Giving them a name ensures they are less threatening.

This is a really interesting one, does allocating a label or a name to negative emotions really dampen their impact?

Since reading about this research a few months ago I have been trying to implement it any time possible. Now it is not possible all the time as we have so many emotions and such busy lives.

However, when I have remembered and put a label to something like 

That was a concern about my son at school or

That was a worry about work tomorrow or

That sickening piece of worry was about the prospect of Donald Trump winning

 it does tend to have a neutralising impact as the brain is saying, it's ok I've dealt with that, now lets move on.

It is interesting stuff and I will keep my readers updated on how it goes.

Cheers   

Builing Confidence by Stopping the Drink

I noticed this story on the bbc website, it is not an uncommon theme where someone gives up a harmful addiction, drink in this case, and then goes on to enjoy success in their life.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-36886691 

Not only that but people who give up drinking tend to then go on and enjoy their life a lot more as there are far fewer regrets and hangovers which are obviously harmful to self esteem. That has been my experience anyway after I gave up drinking over 2 years ago.

I really enjoy reading stories like this as they are a great source of inspiration. 

Cheers

What am I grateful for?

Getting back to my post yesterday on the recommendations made by Neuroscientists about how to feel better about yourself and as a result more confident.

I think we can all find something to be grateful for; my family, friends, health, job and home all spring to mind very quickly.

However, the good news about this research is that even if we don't find anything to be grateful for, and surely everyone can find something, we still benefit as it is the process of looking that helps boosts the well being chemicals in the brain.

Since reading about the research I have tried every day, when I remember, to think of everything I am grateful for and it seems to work so far. It certainly banishes some of the petty and irrelevant complaints I often have as it puts everything into perspective and makes me appreciate what is actually important in life. 

Cheers

 

Advice from Scientific Research

An interesting piece of Scientific Research which was published last year focused on how to decrease worry and anxiety resulting in increased happiness.

The results were very interesting making four main recommendations

1. Ask "What am I grateful for?" Even if one don't find anything the process still helps make improvements.
2. Label any negative emotions. Giving them a name ensures they are less threatening.
3. Decide. You don't have to make the perfect decision, good enough is usually good enough.
4. Hus, Hugs, Hugs, physical contact decreased pain, even physical pain, and increases positive feelings.

Interesting stuff which will be discussed in more detail later.

Cheers 

He Wished He Was a Duck

Sorry for all you non sports fans but the Olympics has been such a great source of inspiration to help us manage our own thought processes and confidence levels.

Take the GB cox-less four man rowing team. This team actually went on to win Gold in Rio.

However, they were still a bag of nerves and anxiety beforehand. So much so that team member Constantine Louloudis admitted that he was quite envious of the ducks swimming about, seemingly without a care in the world while he had to deal with the pressure and expectations of the event after four years of training. He actually said at one point he wished he was a duck.

This is a great lesson for all of us who suffer from confidence issues, even Olympic Champions get anxious and nervous. We are all as human as each other. 

More on the Olynpics

Although it was the GB team who were defeated in the final of the Men's Rugby Sevens I couldn't help but cheer as Fiji took gold by defeating them convincingly in the final. It was that country's first ever Olympic medal and it was achieved in a sport that, as a nation, they are mad about.

The final should have been a tight match, both teams had secured a series of very close victories by a handful of points to make it there. So why did it turn into a rout with the victors claiming gold by 43 to 7 points?

Anyone who saw the build up to the match may have some ideas.

The Fijians entered the field like warriors sprinting on with a look of focused aggression in their eyes.

By contrast the UK team walked on, seconds later looking meek and physically far less imposing.

The Fijians had scored an important psychological victory even before the first whistle. When the game started  it was in the same style with the Fijians storming to try after try with the GB boys left wondering what had hit them.

We are getting back to the same point from earlier posts Walk Tall and Look Confident; even when in doubt or nervous as I'm sure the Fijians were, make sure your opponent thinks you have 100% self belief.

Cheers





   

The Chimp Paradox and the Olympics

The Olympic Games currently taking place in Rio are a great source of inspiration for those of us who are keen to build our own confidence. Every competitor, at some point or other will have faced rejection, failure and defeat and yet they still bounce back to compete and win medals at the Olympics.

Firstly, let's take the GB men's track cycling team who won gold last night in a pulsating evening in the velodrome in the sprint event. That was the third Olympics in a row in which the UK had taken the title. Despite these successes at Olympic level they had not won in the World Championship at any point in recent years. Therefore, the team may have felt that they were up against stronger opponents from New Zealand, Denmark and Germany who had all performed better than them recently

So how do they do it?

Sir Chris Hoy's analysis on the BBC was fascinating. He said that part of the success was due to technical innovation like ensuring that the team uniforms were as aerodynamic as possible by moving the seams and zips to the back. This in addition to a thousand other technical improvements would help by fractions of a second which are crucial in an event like this. Secondly, there was the training. The Uk team had clearly undergone a highly intensive and detailed training regime with the athletes peaking their performance in time for the Games.

However, these are relatively easy to copy, how do the UK team manage to keep winning gold in the Velodrome? Sir Chris offered some insight when he said the final would, in part, be down to mental strength. 

One of the most significant books I have read is the Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters. This helps us identify the helpful and less helpful thought patterns we can become trapped in offering a solution as we can rethink our lives based on the human brain being divided into both Human and Chimp sections. This was a life changing book for me and it was no surprise that it's author also worked for the GB cycling team.

Cheers    

 

The Power of your Subconscious

One of my favourite writers is Malcolm Gladwell and I have really enjoyed his books like Outliers, Tipping Point and Blink.

In Blink he examines the human subconscious and it's huge impact on our lives and outcomes. 

One example he uses is that of a pitcher in a baseball team. Now forgive me here as a Scotsman I am no expert on this sport but what he says is that actually the batsman does not actually have enough time to see the ball arrive. The human brain can't process the information quickly enough as the ball is moving so fast from such a short distance.

So how can anyone actually hit the ball if they don't have time to see it arrive? Well they judge the shape of the pitcher's arm and body using their subconscious and use that and their experience to judge the trajectory of the ball. 

What has this got to do with helping to build confidence? Often we approach a situation expecting negative outcomes based on our subconscious fears rather than any real life issues.

There is a cliche here "We find what we are looking for" and if our minds are looking, even subconsciously, for failure or negative outcomes then we will find them.

My big issue as a child was rejection and a crippling fear of it. Now when I examine my life so far I can see plenty of evidence that I managed be "be rejected" even though there was no actual rejection taking place.

Thankfully, the converse is true and we can train out minds to expect positive outcomes. Is this possible overnight? Obviously not, but by using CBT to re frame our thought processes we can certainly train out conscious and subconscious brains to be more have more positive and realistic expectations.

More of CBT and how to use it later.

Cheers 

Understanding Yourself

One of the main reasons I was low in confidence and self esteem in my twenties and early thirties was that I was inthe entirely wrong career for my personality type.

I worked as a Marketing Manager and found it really stressful which lead to me drinking more than I should at weekends, which created more stress with my performance at work dipping and a vicious circle ensued.

Up until that point I hadn't really though about personality types but there are some interesting theories about it with this site a really good starting point 

https://www.16personalities.com/

This is based on work by Jung and Myers Briggs which divides the population into 16 separate categories and is spookily accurate. It concludes that I should work as a teacher or mentor which I now do and totally love.

Perhaps some confidence issues we have are as a result of us being square pegs in round holes as was the case with myself.

I would recommend looking into this further even if is results, as it did in my case, with a complete change in direction.

Cheers   

Being kind to others

I have heard two really dreadful stories recently perpetrated on two really nice decent people.

Firstly, a neighbour had "I Will Kill You" scratched into her car with a key. Now this neighbour is a thoroughly decent ordinary and friendly local mum. Why anyone would want to intimidate her in such a way I have no idea.

Secondly, a friend of a friend has been the subject of an atrocious, anonymous stalking and bullying campaign. Again the victim is a warm, friendly,kind and very normal mum. So again why would anyone want to do that? Thankfully the police successfully caught the stalker.

Can you imagine how much the confidence of these poor victims would be affected by such attacks?

Why did the attackers do it? By demeaning another an acquaintance or stranger do they feel better about themselves.

Anyway this lead me to think. Do we humans spend too much time being negative to others?

Are we too fast to criticise and not quick enough to say thanks and show appreciation?

I suppose it is up to us as individuals to make sure we are kind and supportive to others and suspend judgement before rushing in with a critical conclusion.

We don't know what else is going on in their lives.

Rather than criticise and pick fault as I used to do I now try to build confidence in others as much as I can.

Cheers 

CBT

Last year I attended a course on CBT, (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) through work. I had read a little on CBT prior to that and was interested to find out more.

Now, I have to say the course was free to anyone who was interested as it was being delivered by a CBT student and it was also slightly awkward as it was a group session with teachers from a variety of local schools attending. So, therefore everyone was slightly awkward about talking about anything too personal.

However, there were loads of really useful tools and techniques which I'll cover in more detail in the future. 

For example one I really liked was to imagine you are on your deathbed and your grandson/daughter or niece/nephew has come to see you. What advice would you give them about life?

Don't focus on work too much, spend as much time as possible with your family, make sure you have a job you love, make sure you focus on hobbies and passions like sport as well as work. 

That  was my list in summary.

All well and good then

However, the sting in the tail is that this is actually advice to yourself now.

So give it a try, what advice would you give to a young relative when you are on your last legs?

Then try to measure your own life now against the list of priorities you come up with.

It may give you an interesting insight into your own priorities and allow you to start to focus on what is really important to you.


Cheers
 

Confidence and Addictive Substances

Recent scientific research indicated that there was a correlation between smoking and depression with sufferers more likely to become addicted to Nicotine.

Now, we are all familiar with the link between confidence and alcohol. There is even a phrase for it; Dutch Courage.

And after a few drinks there are not many of us who don't feel more sure of ourselves and confident.

So what is the problem?

Well alcohol, like other illegal drugs is addictive, and the drinker, who wishes to retain that feeling of assuredness and confidence will continue to consume. 

Guess what happens next? The alcohol or drugs leads the user to doing and saying things that are out of character and embarrassing. We have all been there I'm sure.

And what happens when this happens each weekend when the drinkers get themselves into situations they would never dream of whilst sober.

It starts to impact their self esteem negatively creating long term damage and is also detrimental both physically and financially.

My advice would be; if you want to improve your confidence long term don't rely on drink and drugs (I know this from personal experience), they only make it far worse.

Cheers

Mo Farah and Andy Murray

As the Olympics in Rio start today two of my favourite sports stars have been in the media.

The bbc showed an excellent hour long documentary on Mo Farah's preparation for his defence of his Olympic titles.

As ever, he cam across as humble and self effacing, shy even, but also completely dedicated. He has achieved greatness in his sport by being absolutely dedicated to his training, it was mentioned that he loved training and the process of recording his training results and comparing them with historical data.

The main concern from his coach was in fact over training.

What if we were to treat building confidence like an olympic sport. Train every day and write a log of our efforts. Would that have an impact?

The second athlete that springs to mind today is Andy Murray who will be carrying the flag for the UK team today . Now here is a man who is also shy in the limelight. It is clear he'd much rather be playing tennis or mixing with close family and friends than answering questions in a press conference.

However, like, Mo Farah, he has real grit and determination. He has been unfortunate enough to be a contemporary of Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal three of the greatest players ever yet he has kept going and never given up even after losing so many finals and semi-finals.That is why I was so pleased to see him win Wimbledon this year to gain his third grand slam title. Being a fellow Scotsman made be doubly proud.

I think we could all do with a bit of the grit and determination shown by Mo and Andy in our battles with confidence and life.    

Cheers

Walk tall and look confident

I have just finished reading Two Brothers by Ben Elton. What a book, an amazing read, I couldn't put it down.

Without giving any of the plot away there are various times in the book where characters have to pretend to be someone they are not and they always tried to carry themselves in as confident a way as possible to try to ensure others believe them.

Now these scenarios were life and death so therefore the characters were under severe pressure to ensure they looked and sounded confident.   

How does this apply to real life?

Believe it or not, according to Scientific Research, merely the process of going through the process of thinking about confidence and making a conscious effort to appear confident can actually improve someone's confidence.

Now, like all the ways to help build confidence, it is not a quick fix or a panacea. However, it is a useful tool to have to hand especially in those stressful situation we encounter like job interviews or presentations.

Cheers 

More on Meditation

Yesterday I was discussing the positive impact on meditation and how it can calm the mind, help build confidence and help develop the compassionate part of our psyche.

However, how does an amateur get started. I have found that  Buddhist Meditation works best for me and this site below is the one I use the most. It contains guided meditations which are really easy and all you have to do is put on some headphones, close your eyes and listen to the instructions. I may add that I am no Buddhist but I have become more interested in it's teachings since starting to meditate.  

http://www.buddhanet.net/audio-meditation.htm

I am assured by people far more knowledgeable than myself  have assured me it is possible to meditate on a busy bus or train. However, I am nowhere near that stage yet. More practice is required I think.

If you want to meditate purely on a non-spiritual basis then the mindfulness app headpsace is a pretty good starting point although I think you may have to pay at some point.

Cheers

Meditation

Given that the (rubbish) strategies for building confidence earlier in my life; drinking and hanging about with really confident people, actually caused more harm than good I became increasingly open minded about possible solutions.

Therefore, I gave Meditation a go a few years ago. Now, in my youth, I was exactly the type of sceptic who would have mocked this idea. However, it really helps by allowing negative thoughts to become less all consuming and more distant and allows the development of a more positive overall mindset.

However, (and I'm sure you have spotted a theme here) it is by no means a quick fix. It takes a long time to practice and even after a few years I'm still an amateur. However, it really does work and if we can deal with our thoughts, especially negative ones, more easily then it is one very useful way of allowing confidence to be built.

The story on Matthieu Ricard below hit the press earlier this year and seems to confirm some of the anecdotal evidence on the positive effects of meditation.

matthieu-ricard

 And he certainly looks pretty content 

 

False Solution Number No 2

As I have discussed in a previous post there are a number of short term, easy fix confidence solutions which cause far more harm than good in the long run.

Number 1 in that list is the demon drink which, as it allow inhibitions to go, allows even the most shy individual become the life and soul of the party. Until the next morning.

Alcohol is also highly addictive and therefore many unfortunate souls, myself included, end up become addicted creating more harm and hassle in their life than before.

Another solution I thought I had stumbled upon which actually causes more harm than good is hanging around with very confident people. The theory is simple, - "If I spend time in the company of someone very confident their "magic" will rub off on me and I will become more confident as well."

I think you can tell there is a "but" coming here. I have found there are two types of confident people. The type we should be aiming for are the first type. They are confident in certain areas as they have worked hard to become accomplished at them, but they also recognise their own failings and are the first to admit when they are wrong or don't know something."

The second type are those with sociopathic tendencies, for example our dear friend Donald Trump, they blame everything on everyone else and can do no wrong in their own eyes. They will often demean and disrespect those around then so that they feel better about themselves.

Now if someone is confidence light it is clear that these sociopaths will make their situation even worse. 

Therefore, we have to be careful about the company we keep.