Daniel Coyle

I always enjoy reading Dan Coyle's blog and his recent article on leadership and how strong leaders are often willing to undertake mundane and seemingly trivial tasks like sweeping up or collecting litter.

It ensures that the rest of the team don't believe that they are superior and that the success of the team is more important than anyone individual.

You can read more at http://thetalentcode.com/

It must take a huge amount of humility and inner, quiet confidence to be able, as a leader, to tidy up and sweep floors as some of the leaders like John Wooden or Ray Kroc do as described by Coyle.

On the same subject there is a great book on the ethos of the All Blacks rugby team called Legacy by James Kerr which I strongly recommend. Kerr discusses one of the All Black's core rules to be part of the team and ensure continued success. "No Dickheads." is the protocol stands out and it says it all really

Cheers

What have I learned so far?

When I started this project back in July my somewhat ambitious objective was to blog about confidence every day for a year to see if this would have an impact on my own confidence levels. This is an idea I had stolen from a book called the Happiness Project which had the same aim except with happiness obviously.

I managed to keep the daily posts going for the first few months but it became increasingly ore difficult to find the time and subject matter to blog every day.

However, I am keeping going and still posting as often as possible when I have the time and something to say.

What is the most important lesson I have learned so far?

Confidence is partly a skill we can develop and improve upon although individuals begin with differing levels of self belief initially.

However, it is in our own hands and if we implement some of the tools and techniques available we can build our self belief regardless of what life may throw at us.

Cheers

Well what a week

I think the world is now beginning to calm down slightly after the shock of the Trump election victory across the Atlantic.

Here in Britain, in particular, there are few who are not slightly concerned about the implications domestically and on the international stage. It was also a little disconcerting to see our very own political firebrand Nigel Farage on a jolly with the man of the moment at Trump Towers.

For those of us lacking the confidence (or arrogance) levels of Trump or Farage it is difficult to square the circle. How can they face the cameras, smile and joke when they know so many people worldwide hold them in disdain for their extreme views?

Would it be an advantage to have those levels of confidence? Perhaps it doesn't appear to have done that pair any harm.

However, I think most of us, even with a modicum of self awareness, realise that they are also slightly detached from reality. The smiles will be over soon enough a couple of years down the line when the promises have been broken and the situation is worse rather than improved.

I don't think we should aspire to have those levels of confidence where it is actually arrogance as a little humility is actually a far more positive trait. 

Cheers

The big vote

Today sees many millions of American voters take to the polls to elect their next president. The world watches on, with many here in the UK hoping for a majority for Clinton. Neither candidate is especially inspiring but the prevailing view is that the Democratic candidate will be a safer pair of hands as opposed to the unpredictable demagogue.

On the International stage someone as volatile and unpredictable as Trump is a clear liability. It appears he has no understanding of the risks invovled or the delicate relationships that maintain peace. The mutual repect he also has with Putin may come to an end pretty quickly too. It appears he is just there as a result of his own confidence and self belief. And a fair dose of arrogance.

If we could just have a small amount of that confidence. Just not too much!

Things I am grateful for

1. My wife has a university assessment today and I'm really proud of her as she is doing so well.

2. Scotland play England at football on Friday night which is exciting many of us here in Glasgow.

3. The snow that has been forecast looks like it may be rain now, which is a relief although I must be getting old. I used to love the snow!

 Cheers

Everyone can Learn and Improve

When we are low on confidence it is easy to caught in a cycle of despair. We try something, it doesn't work out initially, we give up and say "It's pointless, I'm no use at anything." Sound familiar?

The Growth Mindset, first described by Carol Dweck, gives us a chance to break out of that loop. If we work hard enough and persist we can gain success. But what is success? If we widen our definition of success and say any situation where we can learn and grow as a person is a success then it can be quite liberating.

An example would be if we took up a new sport like golf or running. We may never achieve success in terms of winning trophies or even matches/races but we will still be better off than if we had never started it in the first place.

Reasons to be grateful

1. It is a glorious sunny autumn morning although it is a bit chilly!

2. I made it out for a 24 mile cycle this morning and there is nothing to you appreciate a warm house than being out training in the cold.

3. We are heading out for dinner at a local restaurant later.

Cheers

The Natural Ebbs and Flows of the Mind

I have learned over the years that our mood, mind and levels of self esteem are constantly changing and evolving. There is a temptation sometimes to take a mood snapshot and decide that our lowest point is representative of the overall picture.

The ability to take a step back from our thoughts and view them as naturally occurring highs and lows is a skill which can be learned. Meditation is a great way to alter how we feel about ourselves and is relatively easy to start, there are loads of resources online and many of them are free. I use buddanet although I wouldn't describe myself as a Buddhist (I love bacon sandwiches too much to be a veggie for a start!) but that doesn't really matter, it is still easy to practice mindfulness.

Things I a grateful for

1. I love reading but can't find the time at the moment, but there are plenty of books out there I will read when I get round to it.

2. It is Friday tomorrow which means I will have a short but really relaxing weekend.

3. I am having curry for dinner tomorrow.

Cheers

Remaining Confident at all times

It is probably fair to say there is a fair amount of disillusionment and complaining at my work at the moment.

I remember reading a few years ago now in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (I think, it was a while ago!) that it is generally a bad idea to be seen to complain or criticise others behind their back. The listener actually associates the negative points being complained about in another person with the person telling them. So if you want others to have a positive view of you, stay away from the gossip!

I have tried to that and been reasonably successful but at the moment everyone seems to be moaning about everyone else. It is not a great time. Nobody seems grateful we have secure, reasonably well paid jobs.

Things I am grateful for

1. I have a job I really enjoy despite all the complaining.

2. My departmental colleagues are really nice people and we rarely have a disagreement.

3. I managed 30 minutes training on the bike today and feel so much better for it.

Cheers

Catching negative thoughts

CBT literature tells us about catching negative thoughts. I think we can all be guilty of believing negative thoughts as they enter our head and never really challenge them. This can then lead to negative belief patterns becoming part of us.

It is a difficult habit to get into, we happily challenge other things in life, but not our own thoughts, we trust them and believe them to be the only version of the truth. But are we correct to do that?

Should we try to become a high court judge in our life, passing evidence based on judgement rather than just thoughts that may enter our mind.

Three things to be grateful for

Firstly, my oldest son is doing really well at school and got 10/10 in a maths test today.

Secondly, my wife, who is putting massive pressure on herself by completing a degree and working full time is doing really well even though she doubts herself.

Thirdly, the team I support won at the weekend in a big semi final which was great.

Cheers

Britain and America; Divided by a Common Language?

As we watch the US election, featuring two candidates clearly not short on confidence, from here in the UK most of us are really puzzled.

I've not met one person who regards Donald Trump as anything other than a danger and a menace. Very few, here, would ever consider voting for him.

Yet in the USA he is polling at 43% and has a reasonable chance of winning. Are the USA and Britain so different now that we have very little in common other than our language?

Interesting times ahead.

Cheers

Gemlins

We all have gremlins in our mind that tell us "I no good at ...." or "I'll never be succesful at ....". Steve Peters in the Chimp Paradox talks about the Chimp in our brain putting these gremlins there and that they should be dismissed as nonsense. But how do we work out what are gremlins and how do we get rid of them?

A useful test comes from CBT where we imagine a judge analysing the evidence of the situation. Where is the evidence that we are no good at this or that particular activity. If we try to observe it neutrally we may draw the conclusion that we are no good at certain skills because we have always given up too easily and never really practiced them fully.

So the lesson here is; before we give a negative verdict on ourselves analyse the evidence, it is perhaps the chimp being overly dramatic as usual.

Now my three things to be grateful for

1. I managed to get out on the bike into the countryside today although it was a wee bit chilly on the hands and feet it was dry.

2. My wife does not have any university work today so we are actually relaxing at home this afternoon.

3. We are having a takeaway for dinner as it is the weekend.

4. an extra I know, There is big game here in Glasgow tomorrow so I may be either feeling grateful or disappointed tomorrow.

Cheers

How do you box that chimp?

I read the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters about three years ago now and although I found it really helpful I have to keep reminding myself it is a long term skill to be learned rather than a quick fix.

One of the trickiest new habits to learn is how to "box that chimp" that is banish unhelpful and destructive thought patterns and replace them with more helpful autopilots.

Now I am still guilty of allowing the chimp part of my brain to receive information rather than the human part. This leads to me worrying and thinking negatively on things over which I have no control.

Although I have benefitted greatly from the book I still find it hard to box that chimp and have to force myself to think about it before making decisions.

Also here's my gratitude list

1. I'm still off work, back on Monday and it is great to spend some time with the kids.

2. Here in Scotland all the chat is about another independence referendum and although this would be our third such vote in four years and we are all a little campaign weary at present at least we live in a democracy and can exercise a vote.

3. Finally, it is a dry day so a wee trip to the park is on the agenda for later today.

Cheers 

Optimising the Performance of the Human Mind: Steve Peters at TEDxYouth@...

This is an inspirational video clip, totally love it as Dr Peters very concisely explains the complex workings of our brain. The concept of managing unhelpful and destructive thoughts by asking "Do I want to have these thoughts?" is very powerful. Even being aware we have an inner chimp who should be boxed in is very powerful. If you have not read the book please do, one of the best about.

Anyway, three more items for my gratitude list.

1. I am so proud of my wife who is working full time while completing a degree, at which she is excelling.

2. I caught up with my oldest pal yesterday and spent the day with him, my youngest son is the same age as his boy and they get on great.

3. I'm still of work and just about to do a session on the turbo trainer.



Cheers

Gratitude List

One of the best ways to keep ourselves positive is to list all the things which we are grateful for.

A friend at work was telling me she currently forces herself to write three things she is grateful for every day. She says she sometimes has to mention quite mundane items on her list to ensure she makes it to three. She also says it is difficult to always come up with fresh material but has to repeat herself a fair bit.

Anyway, in addition to writing my (almost) daily blog I'm going to finish with a list of things for which I feel gratitude.

1. I'm off work at the moment with the kids for a week and I didn't have to face the daily commute this morning.

2. After a morning of rain the weather is drying up and I can take the kids to the park after lunch. It rains on average every second day here in Glasgow so I'm grateful it won't be raining today. The sun has just appeared so that is a result.

3. I'm taking my oldest son to a champions league footie match tomorrow night which will be his first big night at the football and mine for a few years.

Cheers

People with too much confidence

The world appears to have plenty of people with too much confidence as well as too little.

People who make promises to voters without keeping them for example. Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage spring to mind. Donald Trump clearly believes he can do and say what he pleases.

I'm shocked that even one person believes him never mind 40% of the US electorate who appear to be supporting him in the forthcoming election. If he were to win, a similar sequence of events would follow as happened here in the UK after Brexit; all the arguments for leaving the UK have unravelled very quickly.

Beware of over confident people. They can be very dangerous.

Cheers

Confidence:Biggest Barrier to Employment

I had a very interesting work related meeting with the Manager of an agency which offers support to people with Additional Support Needs to help them gain or keep a job.

Sadly the biggest single factor in preventing these people in succeeding in work is not their additional support need whether it be Aspergers or Dyslexia. It is in fact their confidence has been dented so much as they can perceive themselves as being different.

How sad is that?

People with so much to offer but prevented by a barrier in their mind which tells them they are not good enough. But it isn't real. The barriers don't exist. If only everyone, myself included, could remember that all the time.

Cheers

Living Life on your own terms

There are times where those of us lacking in confidence can become submissive when dealing with a more confident assertive colleague or  family member.

It can become second nature. I think even being aware that it is occurring is a good starting point. 

The concept of an imaginary twin is a useful one here. Would we put up with them being treated badly? Thought not.

Why put up with it ourselves then?

Cheers   

Confidence is a skill and skills can be learned

I think many of us who lack confidence look on at our more self assured friends and colleagues with a slight sense of envy. My thoughts were "I wish I can be more like them but I never will as they have been born with confidence that passed me by."

Now I do accept some are naturally more confident than others. Donald Trump, for example, seems to be able to bounce back from any setback and go on the attack even though he has shown to be a genuinely awful human being. But as one author pointed out; humility and empathy are difficult qualities to find in human who is arrogant enough to believe that the world is solely here for their benefit.

However, for those of us not in that position, and that is a major asset in many respects, we can slowly build our confidence levels by working on them day by day and week by week. I have written about a few techniques in the past and will investigate some more in future blogs.

Cheers  

Brexit & Economic Problems

Why would someone take decisions and vote against their own personal interests?

We are now seeing the predicted economic turbulence as the Government are making firmer plans about the UK exit from the EU.

Most impartial economic observers, during the run up to the referendum, thought that a leave vote would result in further economic problems.

So why did 52% of the population vote for it? Is it connected to confidence, if you don't think your situation is capable of improving then if there is a chance of change then why don't take it?

Obviously when we examine the motives of seventeen million voters the situation is obviously more nuanced than that but I think fear and a lack of self confidence has something to do with it.

Cheers 

Growth Mindsets

There are quite an number of books out now which talk about the growth mindset which was a term first used by Carol Dweck who wrote the original book on the subject.

If we believe we can become better with practice and effort then this is the greatest confidence boost ever. We can work on things then improve.

However, I am often guilty of not following my own advice slipping into a fixed mindset especially when it comes to particular areas, dancing in my case.

However, we owe it to ourselves to keep the growth mindset and keep trying

Cheers

Taking Stock

Well, when I started this blog I had one main objective; to see if I could boost the confidence of myself and others by blogging about it every day. That was on 20 July.

Here we are over 12 weeks later and how have I got on?

Well I have missed a few days I have to admit. It was easy finding 10 or 15 minutes when I was off work during the school holidays when I begun. I also had the time to read articles and books by other far more qualified authors than myself.

However, committing to writing about confidence on a regular basis has forced me to think about it far more than I would have done. This has undoubtedly had a positive impact as it has allowed be to use the techniques I have discussed in the blog myself. Therefore, yes, I do feel more confident and assured than I would have otherwise.

More importantly has this blog helped others? Well, I hope so. My oldest son, who is 10, paid me a massive compliment by saying I had helped him feel much more confident. Not that he reads the blog, but obviously I try to support family and friends as much as possible.

Will I have written 365 blog posts by 20 July 2017? I plan to give it my best shot.

Will I run out of topics? I hope not although I may have repeated points already and just forgotten.

Anyway thanks to my many readers. I am slightly shocked by the number of hits I am getting. So thank you.

Cheers

Being grateful for the small stuff

I was at the funeral today of a friend and colleague who passed way too early from cancer leaving behind a husband and two small kids.

It is a desperately sad situation with those two young kids' lives being altered drastically forever.

Her husband will never get to do the trivial, small things like make her a cup of tea or go to the supermarket together again.

Speaking to others who were there today it made us really grateful for these seemingly small, trivial daily routines.

I have heard acknowledging what we are grateful for, no matter how trivial can boost our well being. At times like this I can see their point. 

cheers

Chimps Everywhere These Days

You would have thought that the world of politics in 2016 in Britain would, at least, be one area where there was a sense of decorum where adult human intellect was used to resolve differences of opinion and issues were robustly debated.

Not so in UKIP, the right wing party who have enjoyed some electoral success recently. A party meeting descended into violence with the prospective leader spending some time in hospital after suffering head injuries. This is classic chimp behaviour sorting issues out with the fists. But surely politicians should be above that sort of thing. One would think.

However, if we examine the political messages communicated by UKIP again it is classic chimp behaviour. "We are one troop and these foreigners are a different troop, therefore we should be wary of them." Even the most basic common sense analysis of this reveals it as absurd. There is no reason we should have anything in common with someone just because they happen to be born in the same place as them. The converse is also true why should we be suspicious of a person just because they happen to be born in a different country?

I'm wary of plenty of characters from my home city, I have to say, based on their demeanour and motives rather than their nationality or colour.

However, UKIP are one thing but surely the Conservatives, the party of Government here in the UK at the moment, would not engage in divisive troop based rhetoric. Not so, sadly, they are appealing to the most base of instincts by wanting employers to list all their overseas employees for example. For what purpose we wonder.

Worrying times with too many chimps about.

Cheers
 

Thought Traps; even more

I think we all jump to conclusions at times without assessing the evidence. This is a major thought trap that we need to analyse. For example, there are many situations where we rely on feelings rather than any evidence and conclude that there is a negative outcome based on nothing other than our own skewed perception.

An even more extreme example of this is where we read someones mind and conclude they don't like us or that they are angry or upset with us even though there is no evidence to support this view.

These traps are very difficult to get out of as they are normally very deeply ingrained patterns from childhood. CBT is a really good starting point to get out of it; although face to face conversation and counselling is not for everyone. A really good place to begin is the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters, I know I refer to it a lot but it is because it is so effective and helps us start to realise most of these thoughts are the responsibility of the Chimp and as adults we can do something about it and start to challenge these patterns.

Cheers  

The Talent Code - Errors are Good

Another favourite Author of mine is Daniel Coyle who wrote the Talent Code and The Little Book of Talent.

The Talent code is an fascinating read where he basically debunks the old myth about talent, there are other such as Matthew Syed and Carol Dweck who also have written on the same topic.

He argues that success has nothing to do with our old fashioned notion of talent and everything to do with purposeful practice and the quality of the feedback received by the learner.  

He focuses on success stories like a Tennis school in Russia which has been responsible for some of the best players in the world. The building is not plush, basic even, but it is the ethos of focusing and fixing errors which helps players develop at a precocious rate.  

However, those of us who suffer from a lack of confidence find it difficult to focus on mistakes and will often try to cover up and hide our mistakes. Therefore, we miss crucial learning opportunities.

I have heard the quote "Mistakes are good" but it is sometimes still tricky to adopt that approach in our lives.

Cheers

Gratitude

I know I initially stated I would try to write about confidence related issue every day. However, sometimes, life gets in the way. This weekend I found out a work friend who had kids the same age as me had passed away following a battle with cancer.

As you can imagine I’m still trying to get over the shock and sadness at this point.

However, I know I have spoken about feeling grateful but it is sometimes difficult to find reasons to be grateful when we hear news like that.

Cheers

Even more on CBT

Two more though traps that are very common and I have been guilty of in the past are Mental Filters and Disqualifying the positive.

Mental Filters can start us in a cycle of negative thoughts. We focus only on the negative of a situation, we then ruminate on those negative feelings which increases their importance so that our memory of an event or outcome can become distorted. I always try to focus on partial successes at this point. Every situation is made up of positives and  negatives and everything can have some form of positive outcome, even if it is just a learning experience.

Disqualifying the positive is another related thought trap. We respond to a situation by discounting anything which may reflect positively on us putting it down to luck or circumstance. While any negative outcomes are definitely our fault. This can be an easy trap to fall into where our own achievements are less worthy than those of others. The imaginary twin I mentioned yesterday is a good tool to use here.

These problems are easier to identify than solve but at least if we start analysing our own thought patterns we can become aware of any errors.

Cheers

More on Thought Traps

There are loads on CBT techniques online which include ways to identify thought traps as if we know what traps we may fall into then we are more likely when we are making these errors of judgements and do something about it.

One more that springs to mind is magnification which is also known catastrophising. This is a very common trap for those of us with confidence issues to fall into. We tend to under estimate our own achievements and abilities while at the same time ovethinking and exaggerating the importance of things that may go wrong. 

Using an imaginary twin (unless you have a real twin even better) you can picture the in the same circumstances and situation. Does the situation seem so bad or negative. We need to be kinder to ourselves.

Cheers  

Thought Traps

I have read up on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and attended a introductory course on it and I really like some of the tools on offer.

One of the points that stuck on my mind was that of "Thought Traps".

I think we have been all guilty of some of these at times

For example I can think of many times I have been guilty of black and white thinking where as soon as one thing goes wrong then we believe that the project is a complete disaster. I have been trying to train myself to try think of everything as a partial success with some lessons to be learned.

Also over generalisation, for example I allowed my self to be tainted by having a cheeky and mean spirited boss when I was younger. I then believed all bosses had to be mean spirited and nasty to get ahead. Although no doubt some are (look no further than the entrepreneur and republican presidential candidate) most are not.

However, identifying the problem is the easy bit, it is hard to alter deeply ingrained thought patterns but at least awareness of Thought Traps is a good starting point.

Cheers

The Dangers of giving up too easily

There seems to be a vicious circle where if we are low on confidence we don't persist with a task which then results in failure denting our confidence even further.

Another favourite book of mine; Bounce by Matthew Syed states the case strongly that we can't really give up on something or decide we are no good at it if we don't dedicate enough time to it. And that time has to be used purposefully making constant  improvements based on regular feedback.

Syed, along with others, argues that there is a 10,000 hour rule. In order to become expert at something we have to dedicate all those hours, or 3 hours per day for 10 years to put it another way,  to honing our skills.

Now have a think about all the activities, hobbies and skills we have tried to learn and develop before deciding we are no good. Did we give it 10,000 hours? Did we even dedicate 1000 hours?

This book altered the way I view the world and made me really appreciate the skill we see on the tennis court, football pitch or even board room as it has all been hard earned. There are no quick fixes or easy solutions, just hard work.

I have stopped using the word "talent" completely now as it is unlikely that it exists in the way we perceive it and it is not a helpful concept in the first place. It just gives us a reason to give up as we can claim "We don't have the talent."

Cheers 

Don't listen to other people's chimps

As I have mentioned before one of the best books around for mind management is The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters. It is one of these you books you need to read 3 or 4 times as the whole concept can appear slightly bizarre initially. The chimp part is the emotional, child like, reactionary section while the human equivalent is calm and rational using facts to reach conclusions.

He reminds us that the brain is divided into different sections including the human and chimp parts. Our job is to work out when the chimp may highjack our thoughts and make sure the human is in charge as it is only the human who can make rational, sensible decisions. This can be easier said than done, especially for those of us with explosive or emotional chimps.

It is all well and good analysing our own thoughts and categorising them as either chimp or human but we also have to make sure we are actually communicating with the human in others rather than their chimp.

This can be really tricky to identify and an easy trap to fall into. So we have to reassess our communications with others. Are they just saying something to let off steam and gain attention or do they actually plan to do as they say?

I have been guilty recently of listening to someone's chimp rather than their human voice and it was a bit of an error but is probably a mistake we all make.

Cheers

 

Sticking to your core skills

A big part of feeling confident comes from feeling accomplished at what we do in our careers.

I read an interesting article in magazine which I think was called Psychlogy while I was waiting for my son to have his hair cut.

The key point I took from it was that if we are feeling that we are directionless in our careers then we should look at our hobbies and interests for inspiration as these will reflect our key joys and passions.

If we have a role as a mentor or supporting people in our private lives could these skills be used in the workplace or if we are always socialising and organising parties at home, could we use this expertise in our professional life as well?

I guess I have already ticked that box as I spend a lot of my own time with my own children including taking my oldest son's football team while professionally I am a teacher.

Anyway I will give it some more thought.

Cheers

  

Can we unlearn a lack of self belief

As you may have already worked out I come from Glasgow, Scotland's largest city.

Although I love the city and have called it home for almost all of my life, it is by no means perfect.

When I was growing up in the 1980's the city went through a difficult time as it went from an economy based on heavy engineering and shipbuilding to today's service based economy. Unemployment was as high as most of us have ever known with all the attendant social ills worklessness creates.

It was also, to some extent, a divided city. Two separate religious groups Catholics and Protestants, with their children going to different schools and supporting different football teams (football is a big deal in Glasgow) led two suspicion and division.

I grew up in the Catholic community, which in the 80's still suffered from some historical job based discrimination.

Fast forward 30 years the communities are almost entirely integrated, people are more likely to send their children to the best school locally regardless of denomination and there is no Catholic/Protestant job discrimination to speak of. The football teams still exist though. 

I am sad to say I became part of the problem, I had few protestant friends and would judge people based their name trying to assess their religious roots. I am still completely ashamed of this now.

Thankfully, when I went to university I began to slowly realise this was all nonsense and any form of discrimination is patently wrong.

I made a conscious effort to unlearn everything about judging people based on their religion; it took me a while but I can safely say it is not something I have given any thought to in many years.

So is it possible to unlearn other things like our reticence and lack of confidence? 

Belief in your own values

The Labour Party here in the UK are undergoing a leadership election. The incumbent, Jeremy Corbyn has lost the confidence of his Parliamentary MPs but he has kept going despite widespread resignations from his shadow cabinet. 

Under most circumstances most of us would not have the confidence to keep going and do what most of the MPs want and resign. However, Corbyn has the support of many Labour supporters in the country, although it is unlikely he presuade enough of the electorate to vote for Labour if there were a General Election.

Corbyn keeps going, and has some fanatical support from rank and file members because he is seen as someone with integrity and as a man who stick to his values.

And sometimes we must stick to our values even when we don't have the support of our colleagues.

Cheers

Fear of others

This topic has been in the media a lot in recent weeks and months. There seems to be increasing media hysteria about immigrants playing on some individuals irrational fear of people who happen to be slightly different from them.

Politicians like Nigel Farage, Donald Trump and newspapers like the Daily Mail attempt to create division and create us and  them scenarios to put forward abhorrent political messages based on fear. 

Steven Pinker has written many fascinating books including the Blank Slate, which is a really worthwhile and interesting read. In this book he talks about the difference between races of people. The conclusion was that given how large the human population is it is exceptionally homogeneous when compared to other species. The fact that most stuck in my mind was that there was a far greater difference genetically within races of people than between different races.

In other words we have far more in common than anything that separates.

Maybe we should bear that in mind and switch over when we hear extreme right wing politicians like Farage on their rants.

But this fear others, where does it stem from? A lack of self confidence perhaps?

Cheers

Feel the fear and do it anyway

This was one of the first self books I ever read. I don't even know why it attracted my attention in Waterstone's bookstore where I was more likely to be found perusing the shelves of the sports section. This was in the 1990's long before the advent of online bookstores so, when I had a spare hour or two I would head into the bookshop

However, although initially I was a little wary of it as I feared it would contain Americanisms and not really be appropriate for me. However, it was a revelation, I really enjoyed it as it really spoke to me.

The basic premise of the book is that we all feel unconformable and fearful in new and unfamiliar situations and there is no point in denying that. Instead we should try to use this energy to go ahead and confront our challenges. This was really helpful for me because at that point I was unhappy in my career and life in general.

So, even though it is about 20 years since I first read it I would still recommend it to help us develop our confidence.

Cheers   

Last Weekend

Last weekend was a big occasion in my home city of Glasgow. Rivalries were renewed by two great rivals with Celtic taking on Rangers in the league.

This leads to the very real possibility of street violence with the occurrences of domestic abuse increasing three fold. The atmosphere in the city centre is very tense with the atmosphere in the stadium poisonous. 

Why, as a city do we put ourselves through it?

The reason is simple; when the team you support wins then it is amazing. Or I used to find it amazing but I have learned to try not to gain confidence and gain well being from events outwith my control.

But sometimes old habits die hard and it was great to win 5-1.

Cheers   

Helping other before more confident

As I am sure you are aware one of the most liberating aspects of recognising our own lack of confidence is that we are not alone. There are many others in the same situation. Or even worse.

Their self esteem and belief eroded by alk manner of life events.

What gives me more feeling of well being than anything else is the notion that I can helping others with their own confidence battles.

So when we are feeling a lack of self belief surely it is better to look outwards and think what can I do for my friends and family than what can they do for me.

To have good friends one must become a good friend.

Cheers 

The Chimp Paradox

The Chimp Paradox is my favourite book of it's type, it is written by Dr Steve Peters who has worked with the very successful UK track cycling team.

If you have confidence issues and have been affected by self doubt, and given you a reading a blog on it then I am guessing it is of interest.

In the book Peters actually achieves something amazing he gets the reader to see themselves, the world and interactions with others in a completely different perspective.

It is calming, straightforward and an easy read, it is well worth a try, I'll go into more detail on it in future posts

Cheers

Learning new skills

One thing I have learned in the last few weeks of my blog is that confidence is a double edged sword. We know the strategies we can employ to help build our confidence like meeting new people, eating healthily and regularly exercising but it takes a certain amount of confidence to take the initiative and try any of these activities.

I would add learning new skills to the list as well, because after we have mastered something there is no better feeling of satisfaction and pleasure than being able to for example speak a foreign language or play a musical instrument. Please note I can do neither!

However, the paradox is that learning takes the most out of our confidence as well, especially when it is something challenging. Messy can be messy, unpleasant, scary and unfair (why do things come easily to other people.)

I have tried to alter my attitude to learning in recent years and try to appreciate the journey with all it's challenges and setbacks rather than give up as soon as I had a negative experience (which I have previous for.)

It is not easy but I feel I am making progress!

Cheers