Everyone can Learn and Improve

When we are low on confidence it is easy to caught in a cycle of despair. We try something, it doesn't work out initially, we give up and say "It's pointless, I'm no use at anything." Sound familiar?

The Growth Mindset, first described by Carol Dweck, gives us a chance to break out of that loop. If we work hard enough and persist we can gain success. But what is success? If we widen our definition of success and say any situation where we can learn and grow as a person is a success then it can be quite liberating.

An example would be if we took up a new sport like golf or running. We may never achieve success in terms of winning trophies or even matches/races but we will still be better off than if we had never started it in the first place.

Reasons to be grateful

1. It is a glorious sunny autumn morning although it is a bit chilly!

2. I made it out for a 24 mile cycle this morning and there is nothing to you appreciate a warm house than being out training in the cold.

3. We are heading out for dinner at a local restaurant later.

Cheers

The Natural Ebbs and Flows of the Mind

I have learned over the years that our mood, mind and levels of self esteem are constantly changing and evolving. There is a temptation sometimes to take a mood snapshot and decide that our lowest point is representative of the overall picture.

The ability to take a step back from our thoughts and view them as naturally occurring highs and lows is a skill which can be learned. Meditation is a great way to alter how we feel about ourselves and is relatively easy to start, there are loads of resources online and many of them are free. I use buddanet although I wouldn't describe myself as a Buddhist (I love bacon sandwiches too much to be a veggie for a start!) but that doesn't really matter, it is still easy to practice mindfulness.

Things I a grateful for

1. I love reading but can't find the time at the moment, but there are plenty of books out there I will read when I get round to it.

2. It is Friday tomorrow which means I will have a short but really relaxing weekend.

3. I am having curry for dinner tomorrow.

Cheers

Remaining Confident at all times

It is probably fair to say there is a fair amount of disillusionment and complaining at my work at the moment.

I remember reading a few years ago now in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (I think, it was a while ago!) that it is generally a bad idea to be seen to complain or criticise others behind their back. The listener actually associates the negative points being complained about in another person with the person telling them. So if you want others to have a positive view of you, stay away from the gossip!

I have tried to that and been reasonably successful but at the moment everyone seems to be moaning about everyone else. It is not a great time. Nobody seems grateful we have secure, reasonably well paid jobs.

Things I am grateful for

1. I have a job I really enjoy despite all the complaining.

2. My departmental colleagues are really nice people and we rarely have a disagreement.

3. I managed 30 minutes training on the bike today and feel so much better for it.

Cheers

Catching negative thoughts

CBT literature tells us about catching negative thoughts. I think we can all be guilty of believing negative thoughts as they enter our head and never really challenge them. This can then lead to negative belief patterns becoming part of us.

It is a difficult habit to get into, we happily challenge other things in life, but not our own thoughts, we trust them and believe them to be the only version of the truth. But are we correct to do that?

Should we try to become a high court judge in our life, passing evidence based on judgement rather than just thoughts that may enter our mind.

Three things to be grateful for

Firstly, my oldest son is doing really well at school and got 10/10 in a maths test today.

Secondly, my wife, who is putting massive pressure on herself by completing a degree and working full time is doing really well even though she doubts herself.

Thirdly, the team I support won at the weekend in a big semi final which was great.

Cheers

Britain and America; Divided by a Common Language?

As we watch the US election, featuring two candidates clearly not short on confidence, from here in the UK most of us are really puzzled.

I've not met one person who regards Donald Trump as anything other than a danger and a menace. Very few, here, would ever consider voting for him.

Yet in the USA he is polling at 43% and has a reasonable chance of winning. Are the USA and Britain so different now that we have very little in common other than our language?

Interesting times ahead.

Cheers

Gemlins

We all have gremlins in our mind that tell us "I no good at ...." or "I'll never be succesful at ....". Steve Peters in the Chimp Paradox talks about the Chimp in our brain putting these gremlins there and that they should be dismissed as nonsense. But how do we work out what are gremlins and how do we get rid of them?

A useful test comes from CBT where we imagine a judge analysing the evidence of the situation. Where is the evidence that we are no good at this or that particular activity. If we try to observe it neutrally we may draw the conclusion that we are no good at certain skills because we have always given up too easily and never really practiced them fully.

So the lesson here is; before we give a negative verdict on ourselves analyse the evidence, it is perhaps the chimp being overly dramatic as usual.

Now my three things to be grateful for

1. I managed to get out on the bike into the countryside today although it was a wee bit chilly on the hands and feet it was dry.

2. My wife does not have any university work today so we are actually relaxing at home this afternoon.

3. We are having a takeaway for dinner as it is the weekend.

4. an extra I know, There is big game here in Glasgow tomorrow so I may be either feeling grateful or disappointed tomorrow.

Cheers

How do you box that chimp?

I read the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters about three years ago now and although I found it really helpful I have to keep reminding myself it is a long term skill to be learned rather than a quick fix.

One of the trickiest new habits to learn is how to "box that chimp" that is banish unhelpful and destructive thought patterns and replace them with more helpful autopilots.

Now I am still guilty of allowing the chimp part of my brain to receive information rather than the human part. This leads to me worrying and thinking negatively on things over which I have no control.

Although I have benefitted greatly from the book I still find it hard to box that chimp and have to force myself to think about it before making decisions.

Also here's my gratitude list

1. I'm still off work, back on Monday and it is great to spend some time with the kids.

2. Here in Scotland all the chat is about another independence referendum and although this would be our third such vote in four years and we are all a little campaign weary at present at least we live in a democracy and can exercise a vote.

3. Finally, it is a dry day so a wee trip to the park is on the agenda for later today.

Cheers