Even more on CBT

Two more though traps that are very common and I have been guilty of in the past are Mental Filters and Disqualifying the positive.

Mental Filters can start us in a cycle of negative thoughts. We focus only on the negative of a situation, we then ruminate on those negative feelings which increases their importance so that our memory of an event or outcome can become distorted. I always try to focus on partial successes at this point. Every situation is made up of positives and  negatives and everything can have some form of positive outcome, even if it is just a learning experience.

Disqualifying the positive is another related thought trap. We respond to a situation by discounting anything which may reflect positively on us putting it down to luck or circumstance. While any negative outcomes are definitely our fault. This can be an easy trap to fall into where our own achievements are less worthy than those of others. The imaginary twin I mentioned yesterday is a good tool to use here.

These problems are easier to identify than solve but at least if we start analysing our own thought patterns we can become aware of any errors.

Cheers

More on Thought Traps

There are loads on CBT techniques online which include ways to identify thought traps as if we know what traps we may fall into then we are more likely when we are making these errors of judgements and do something about it.

One more that springs to mind is magnification which is also known catastrophising. This is a very common trap for those of us with confidence issues to fall into. We tend to under estimate our own achievements and abilities while at the same time ovethinking and exaggerating the importance of things that may go wrong. 

Using an imaginary twin (unless you have a real twin even better) you can picture the in the same circumstances and situation. Does the situation seem so bad or negative. We need to be kinder to ourselves.

Cheers  

Thought Traps

I have read up on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and attended a introductory course on it and I really like some of the tools on offer.

One of the points that stuck on my mind was that of "Thought Traps".

I think we have been all guilty of some of these at times

For example I can think of many times I have been guilty of black and white thinking where as soon as one thing goes wrong then we believe that the project is a complete disaster. I have been trying to train myself to try think of everything as a partial success with some lessons to be learned.

Also over generalisation, for example I allowed my self to be tainted by having a cheeky and mean spirited boss when I was younger. I then believed all bosses had to be mean spirited and nasty to get ahead. Although no doubt some are (look no further than the entrepreneur and republican presidential candidate) most are not.

However, identifying the problem is the easy bit, it is hard to alter deeply ingrained thought patterns but at least awareness of Thought Traps is a good starting point.

Cheers

The Dangers of giving up too easily

There seems to be a vicious circle where if we are low on confidence we don't persist with a task which then results in failure denting our confidence even further.

Another favourite book of mine; Bounce by Matthew Syed states the case strongly that we can't really give up on something or decide we are no good at it if we don't dedicate enough time to it. And that time has to be used purposefully making constant  improvements based on regular feedback.

Syed, along with others, argues that there is a 10,000 hour rule. In order to become expert at something we have to dedicate all those hours, or 3 hours per day for 10 years to put it another way,  to honing our skills.

Now have a think about all the activities, hobbies and skills we have tried to learn and develop before deciding we are no good. Did we give it 10,000 hours? Did we even dedicate 1000 hours?

This book altered the way I view the world and made me really appreciate the skill we see on the tennis court, football pitch or even board room as it has all been hard earned. There are no quick fixes or easy solutions, just hard work.

I have stopped using the word "talent" completely now as it is unlikely that it exists in the way we perceive it and it is not a helpful concept in the first place. It just gives us a reason to give up as we can claim "We don't have the talent."

Cheers 

Don't listen to other people's chimps

As I have mentioned before one of the best books around for mind management is The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters. It is one of these you books you need to read 3 or 4 times as the whole concept can appear slightly bizarre initially. The chimp part is the emotional, child like, reactionary section while the human equivalent is calm and rational using facts to reach conclusions.

He reminds us that the brain is divided into different sections including the human and chimp parts. Our job is to work out when the chimp may highjack our thoughts and make sure the human is in charge as it is only the human who can make rational, sensible decisions. This can be easier said than done, especially for those of us with explosive or emotional chimps.

It is all well and good analysing our own thoughts and categorising them as either chimp or human but we also have to make sure we are actually communicating with the human in others rather than their chimp.

This can be really tricky to identify and an easy trap to fall into. So we have to reassess our communications with others. Are they just saying something to let off steam and gain attention or do they actually plan to do as they say?

I have been guilty recently of listening to someone's chimp rather than their human voice and it was a bit of an error but is probably a mistake we all make.

Cheers

 

Sticking to your core skills

A big part of feeling confident comes from feeling accomplished at what we do in our careers.

I read an interesting article in magazine which I think was called Psychlogy while I was waiting for my son to have his hair cut.

The key point I took from it was that if we are feeling that we are directionless in our careers then we should look at our hobbies and interests for inspiration as these will reflect our key joys and passions.

If we have a role as a mentor or supporting people in our private lives could these skills be used in the workplace or if we are always socialising and organising parties at home, could we use this expertise in our professional life as well?

I guess I have already ticked that box as I spend a lot of my own time with my own children including taking my oldest son's football team while professionally I am a teacher.

Anyway I will give it some more thought.

Cheers

  

Can we unlearn a lack of self belief

As you may have already worked out I come from Glasgow, Scotland's largest city.

Although I love the city and have called it home for almost all of my life, it is by no means perfect.

When I was growing up in the 1980's the city went through a difficult time as it went from an economy based on heavy engineering and shipbuilding to today's service based economy. Unemployment was as high as most of us have ever known with all the attendant social ills worklessness creates.

It was also, to some extent, a divided city. Two separate religious groups Catholics and Protestants, with their children going to different schools and supporting different football teams (football is a big deal in Glasgow) led two suspicion and division.

I grew up in the Catholic community, which in the 80's still suffered from some historical job based discrimination.

Fast forward 30 years the communities are almost entirely integrated, people are more likely to send their children to the best school locally regardless of denomination and there is no Catholic/Protestant job discrimination to speak of. The football teams still exist though. 

I am sad to say I became part of the problem, I had few protestant friends and would judge people based their name trying to assess their religious roots. I am still completely ashamed of this now.

Thankfully, when I went to university I began to slowly realise this was all nonsense and any form of discrimination is patently wrong.

I made a conscious effort to unlearn everything about judging people based on their religion; it took me a while but I can safely say it is not something I have given any thought to in many years.

So is it possible to unlearn other things like our reticence and lack of confidence?