CBT

Last year I attended a course on CBT, (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) through work. I had read a little on CBT prior to that and was interested to find out more.

Now, I have to say the course was free to anyone who was interested as it was being delivered by a CBT student and it was also slightly awkward as it was a group session with teachers from a variety of local schools attending. So, therefore everyone was slightly awkward about talking about anything too personal.

However, there were loads of really useful tools and techniques which I'll cover in more detail in the future. 

For example one I really liked was to imagine you are on your deathbed and your grandson/daughter or niece/nephew has come to see you. What advice would you give them about life?

Don't focus on work too much, spend as much time as possible with your family, make sure you have a job you love, make sure you focus on hobbies and passions like sport as well as work. 

That  was my list in summary.

All well and good then

However, the sting in the tail is that this is actually advice to yourself now.

So give it a try, what advice would you give to a young relative when you are on your last legs?

Then try to measure your own life now against the list of priorities you come up with.

It may give you an interesting insight into your own priorities and allow you to start to focus on what is really important to you.


Cheers
 

Confidence and Addictive Substances

Recent scientific research indicated that there was a correlation between smoking and depression with sufferers more likely to become addicted to Nicotine.

Now, we are all familiar with the link between confidence and alcohol. There is even a phrase for it; Dutch Courage.

And after a few drinks there are not many of us who don't feel more sure of ourselves and confident.

So what is the problem?

Well alcohol, like other illegal drugs is addictive, and the drinker, who wishes to retain that feeling of assuredness and confidence will continue to consume. 

Guess what happens next? The alcohol or drugs leads the user to doing and saying things that are out of character and embarrassing. We have all been there I'm sure.

And what happens when this happens each weekend when the drinkers get themselves into situations they would never dream of whilst sober.

It starts to impact their self esteem negatively creating long term damage and is also detrimental both physically and financially.

My advice would be; if you want to improve your confidence long term don't rely on drink and drugs (I know this from personal experience), they only make it far worse.

Cheers

Mo Farah and Andy Murray

As the Olympics in Rio start today two of my favourite sports stars have been in the media.

The bbc showed an excellent hour long documentary on Mo Farah's preparation for his defence of his Olympic titles.

As ever, he cam across as humble and self effacing, shy even, but also completely dedicated. He has achieved greatness in his sport by being absolutely dedicated to his training, it was mentioned that he loved training and the process of recording his training results and comparing them with historical data.

The main concern from his coach was in fact over training.

What if we were to treat building confidence like an olympic sport. Train every day and write a log of our efforts. Would that have an impact?

The second athlete that springs to mind today is Andy Murray who will be carrying the flag for the UK team today . Now here is a man who is also shy in the limelight. It is clear he'd much rather be playing tennis or mixing with close family and friends than answering questions in a press conference.

However, like, Mo Farah, he has real grit and determination. He has been unfortunate enough to be a contemporary of Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal three of the greatest players ever yet he has kept going and never given up even after losing so many finals and semi-finals.That is why I was so pleased to see him win Wimbledon this year to gain his third grand slam title. Being a fellow Scotsman made be doubly proud.

I think we could all do with a bit of the grit and determination shown by Mo and Andy in our battles with confidence and life.    

Cheers

Walk tall and look confident

I have just finished reading Two Brothers by Ben Elton. What a book, an amazing read, I couldn't put it down.

Without giving any of the plot away there are various times in the book where characters have to pretend to be someone they are not and they always tried to carry themselves in as confident a way as possible to try to ensure others believe them.

Now these scenarios were life and death so therefore the characters were under severe pressure to ensure they looked and sounded confident.   

How does this apply to real life?

Believe it or not, according to Scientific Research, merely the process of going through the process of thinking about confidence and making a conscious effort to appear confident can actually improve someone's confidence.

Now, like all the ways to help build confidence, it is not a quick fix or a panacea. However, it is a useful tool to have to hand especially in those stressful situation we encounter like job interviews or presentations.

Cheers 

More on Meditation

Yesterday I was discussing the positive impact on meditation and how it can calm the mind, help build confidence and help develop the compassionate part of our psyche.

However, how does an amateur get started. I have found that  Buddhist Meditation works best for me and this site below is the one I use the most. It contains guided meditations which are really easy and all you have to do is put on some headphones, close your eyes and listen to the instructions. I may add that I am no Buddhist but I have become more interested in it's teachings since starting to meditate.  

http://www.buddhanet.net/audio-meditation.htm

I am assured by people far more knowledgeable than myself  have assured me it is possible to meditate on a busy bus or train. However, I am nowhere near that stage yet. More practice is required I think.

If you want to meditate purely on a non-spiritual basis then the mindfulness app headpsace is a pretty good starting point although I think you may have to pay at some point.

Cheers

Meditation

Given that the (rubbish) strategies for building confidence earlier in my life; drinking and hanging about with really confident people, actually caused more harm than good I became increasingly open minded about possible solutions.

Therefore, I gave Meditation a go a few years ago. Now, in my youth, I was exactly the type of sceptic who would have mocked this idea. However, it really helps by allowing negative thoughts to become less all consuming and more distant and allows the development of a more positive overall mindset.

However, (and I'm sure you have spotted a theme here) it is by no means a quick fix. It takes a long time to practice and even after a few years I'm still an amateur. However, it really does work and if we can deal with our thoughts, especially negative ones, more easily then it is one very useful way of allowing confidence to be built.

The story on Matthieu Ricard below hit the press earlier this year and seems to confirm some of the anecdotal evidence on the positive effects of meditation.

matthieu-ricard

 And he certainly looks pretty content 

 

False Solution Number No 2

As I have discussed in a previous post there are a number of short term, easy fix confidence solutions which cause far more harm than good in the long run.

Number 1 in that list is the demon drink which, as it allow inhibitions to go, allows even the most shy individual become the life and soul of the party. Until the next morning.

Alcohol is also highly addictive and therefore many unfortunate souls, myself included, end up become addicted creating more harm and hassle in their life than before.

Another solution I thought I had stumbled upon which actually causes more harm than good is hanging around with very confident people. The theory is simple, - "If I spend time in the company of someone very confident their "magic" will rub off on me and I will become more confident as well."

I think you can tell there is a "but" coming here. I have found there are two types of confident people. The type we should be aiming for are the first type. They are confident in certain areas as they have worked hard to become accomplished at them, but they also recognise their own failings and are the first to admit when they are wrong or don't know something."

The second type are those with sociopathic tendencies, for example our dear friend Donald Trump, they blame everything on everyone else and can do no wrong in their own eyes. They will often demean and disrespect those around then so that they feel better about themselves.

Now if someone is confidence light it is clear that these sociopaths will make their situation even worse. 

Therefore, we have to be careful about the company we keep.