Growth Mindsets

There are quite an number of books out now which talk about the growth mindset which was a term first used by Carol Dweck who wrote the original book on the subject.

If we believe we can become better with practice and effort then this is the greatest confidence boost ever. We can work on things then improve.

However, I am often guilty of not following my own advice slipping into a fixed mindset especially when it comes to particular areas, dancing in my case.

However, we owe it to ourselves to keep the growth mindset and keep trying

Cheers

Taking Stock

Well, when I started this blog I had one main objective; to see if I could boost the confidence of myself and others by blogging about it every day. That was on 20 July.

Here we are over 12 weeks later and how have I got on?

Well I have missed a few days I have to admit. It was easy finding 10 or 15 minutes when I was off work during the school holidays when I begun. I also had the time to read articles and books by other far more qualified authors than myself.

However, committing to writing about confidence on a regular basis has forced me to think about it far more than I would have done. This has undoubtedly had a positive impact as it has allowed be to use the techniques I have discussed in the blog myself. Therefore, yes, I do feel more confident and assured than I would have otherwise.

More importantly has this blog helped others? Well, I hope so. My oldest son, who is 10, paid me a massive compliment by saying I had helped him feel much more confident. Not that he reads the blog, but obviously I try to support family and friends as much as possible.

Will I have written 365 blog posts by 20 July 2017? I plan to give it my best shot.

Will I run out of topics? I hope not although I may have repeated points already and just forgotten.

Anyway thanks to my many readers. I am slightly shocked by the number of hits I am getting. So thank you.

Cheers

Being grateful for the small stuff

I was at the funeral today of a friend and colleague who passed way too early from cancer leaving behind a husband and two small kids.

It is a desperately sad situation with those two young kids' lives being altered drastically forever.

Her husband will never get to do the trivial, small things like make her a cup of tea or go to the supermarket together again.

Speaking to others who were there today it made us really grateful for these seemingly small, trivial daily routines.

I have heard acknowledging what we are grateful for, no matter how trivial can boost our well being. At times like this I can see their point. 

cheers

Chimps Everywhere These Days

You would have thought that the world of politics in 2016 in Britain would, at least, be one area where there was a sense of decorum where adult human intellect was used to resolve differences of opinion and issues were robustly debated.

Not so in UKIP, the right wing party who have enjoyed some electoral success recently. A party meeting descended into violence with the prospective leader spending some time in hospital after suffering head injuries. This is classic chimp behaviour sorting issues out with the fists. But surely politicians should be above that sort of thing. One would think.

However, if we examine the political messages communicated by UKIP again it is classic chimp behaviour. "We are one troop and these foreigners are a different troop, therefore we should be wary of them." Even the most basic common sense analysis of this reveals it as absurd. There is no reason we should have anything in common with someone just because they happen to be born in the same place as them. The converse is also true why should we be suspicious of a person just because they happen to be born in a different country?

I'm wary of plenty of characters from my home city, I have to say, based on their demeanour and motives rather than their nationality or colour.

However, UKIP are one thing but surely the Conservatives, the party of Government here in the UK at the moment, would not engage in divisive troop based rhetoric. Not so, sadly, they are appealing to the most base of instincts by wanting employers to list all their overseas employees for example. For what purpose we wonder.

Worrying times with too many chimps about.

Cheers
 

Thought Traps; even more

I think we all jump to conclusions at times without assessing the evidence. This is a major thought trap that we need to analyse. For example, there are many situations where we rely on feelings rather than any evidence and conclude that there is a negative outcome based on nothing other than our own skewed perception.

An even more extreme example of this is where we read someones mind and conclude they don't like us or that they are angry or upset with us even though there is no evidence to support this view.

These traps are very difficult to get out of as they are normally very deeply ingrained patterns from childhood. CBT is a really good starting point to get out of it; although face to face conversation and counselling is not for everyone. A really good place to begin is the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters, I know I refer to it a lot but it is because it is so effective and helps us start to realise most of these thoughts are the responsibility of the Chimp and as adults we can do something about it and start to challenge these patterns.

Cheers  

The Talent Code - Errors are Good

Another favourite Author of mine is Daniel Coyle who wrote the Talent Code and The Little Book of Talent.

The Talent code is an fascinating read where he basically debunks the old myth about talent, there are other such as Matthew Syed and Carol Dweck who also have written on the same topic.

He argues that success has nothing to do with our old fashioned notion of talent and everything to do with purposeful practice and the quality of the feedback received by the learner.  

He focuses on success stories like a Tennis school in Russia which has been responsible for some of the best players in the world. The building is not plush, basic even, but it is the ethos of focusing and fixing errors which helps players develop at a precocious rate.  

However, those of us who suffer from a lack of confidence find it difficult to focus on mistakes and will often try to cover up and hide our mistakes. Therefore, we miss crucial learning opportunities.

I have heard the quote "Mistakes are good" but it is sometimes still tricky to adopt that approach in our lives.

Cheers

Gratitude

I know I initially stated I would try to write about confidence related issue every day. However, sometimes, life gets in the way. This weekend I found out a work friend who had kids the same age as me had passed away following a battle with cancer.

As you can imagine I’m still trying to get over the shock and sadness at this point.

However, I know I have spoken about feeling grateful but it is sometimes difficult to find reasons to be grateful when we hear news like that.

Cheers