Confidence is a skill and skills can be learned

I think many of us who lack confidence look on at our more self assured friends and colleagues with a slight sense of envy. My thoughts were "I wish I can be more like them but I never will as they have been born with confidence that passed me by."

Now I do accept some are naturally more confident than others. Donald Trump, for example, seems to be able to bounce back from any setback and go on the attack even though he has shown to be a genuinely awful human being. But as one author pointed out; humility and empathy are difficult qualities to find in human who is arrogant enough to believe that the world is solely here for their benefit.

However, for those of us not in that position, and that is a major asset in many respects, we can slowly build our confidence levels by working on them day by day and week by week. I have written about a few techniques in the past and will investigate some more in future blogs.

Cheers  

Brexit & Economic Problems

Why would someone take decisions and vote against their own personal interests?

We are now seeing the predicted economic turbulence as the Government are making firmer plans about the UK exit from the EU.

Most impartial economic observers, during the run up to the referendum, thought that a leave vote would result in further economic problems.

So why did 52% of the population vote for it? Is it connected to confidence, if you don't think your situation is capable of improving then if there is a chance of change then why don't take it?

Obviously when we examine the motives of seventeen million voters the situation is obviously more nuanced than that but I think fear and a lack of self confidence has something to do with it.

Cheers 

Growth Mindsets

There are quite an number of books out now which talk about the growth mindset which was a term first used by Carol Dweck who wrote the original book on the subject.

If we believe we can become better with practice and effort then this is the greatest confidence boost ever. We can work on things then improve.

However, I am often guilty of not following my own advice slipping into a fixed mindset especially when it comes to particular areas, dancing in my case.

However, we owe it to ourselves to keep the growth mindset and keep trying

Cheers

Taking Stock

Well, when I started this blog I had one main objective; to see if I could boost the confidence of myself and others by blogging about it every day. That was on 20 July.

Here we are over 12 weeks later and how have I got on?

Well I have missed a few days I have to admit. It was easy finding 10 or 15 minutes when I was off work during the school holidays when I begun. I also had the time to read articles and books by other far more qualified authors than myself.

However, committing to writing about confidence on a regular basis has forced me to think about it far more than I would have done. This has undoubtedly had a positive impact as it has allowed be to use the techniques I have discussed in the blog myself. Therefore, yes, I do feel more confident and assured than I would have otherwise.

More importantly has this blog helped others? Well, I hope so. My oldest son, who is 10, paid me a massive compliment by saying I had helped him feel much more confident. Not that he reads the blog, but obviously I try to support family and friends as much as possible.

Will I have written 365 blog posts by 20 July 2017? I plan to give it my best shot.

Will I run out of topics? I hope not although I may have repeated points already and just forgotten.

Anyway thanks to my many readers. I am slightly shocked by the number of hits I am getting. So thank you.

Cheers

Being grateful for the small stuff

I was at the funeral today of a friend and colleague who passed way too early from cancer leaving behind a husband and two small kids.

It is a desperately sad situation with those two young kids' lives being altered drastically forever.

Her husband will never get to do the trivial, small things like make her a cup of tea or go to the supermarket together again.

Speaking to others who were there today it made us really grateful for these seemingly small, trivial daily routines.

I have heard acknowledging what we are grateful for, no matter how trivial can boost our well being. At times like this I can see their point. 

cheers

Chimps Everywhere These Days

You would have thought that the world of politics in 2016 in Britain would, at least, be one area where there was a sense of decorum where adult human intellect was used to resolve differences of opinion and issues were robustly debated.

Not so in UKIP, the right wing party who have enjoyed some electoral success recently. A party meeting descended into violence with the prospective leader spending some time in hospital after suffering head injuries. This is classic chimp behaviour sorting issues out with the fists. But surely politicians should be above that sort of thing. One would think.

However, if we examine the political messages communicated by UKIP again it is classic chimp behaviour. "We are one troop and these foreigners are a different troop, therefore we should be wary of them." Even the most basic common sense analysis of this reveals it as absurd. There is no reason we should have anything in common with someone just because they happen to be born in the same place as them. The converse is also true why should we be suspicious of a person just because they happen to be born in a different country?

I'm wary of plenty of characters from my home city, I have to say, based on their demeanour and motives rather than their nationality or colour.

However, UKIP are one thing but surely the Conservatives, the party of Government here in the UK at the moment, would not engage in divisive troop based rhetoric. Not so, sadly, they are appealing to the most base of instincts by wanting employers to list all their overseas employees for example. For what purpose we wonder.

Worrying times with too many chimps about.

Cheers
 

Thought Traps; even more

I think we all jump to conclusions at times without assessing the evidence. This is a major thought trap that we need to analyse. For example, there are many situations where we rely on feelings rather than any evidence and conclude that there is a negative outcome based on nothing other than our own skewed perception.

An even more extreme example of this is where we read someones mind and conclude they don't like us or that they are angry or upset with us even though there is no evidence to support this view.

These traps are very difficult to get out of as they are normally very deeply ingrained patterns from childhood. CBT is a really good starting point to get out of it; although face to face conversation and counselling is not for everyone. A really good place to begin is the Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters, I know I refer to it a lot but it is because it is so effective and helps us start to realise most of these thoughts are the responsibility of the Chimp and as adults we can do something about it and start to challenge these patterns.

Cheers