As a novice competing against more experienced, taller and faster runners I didn't stand a chance of being anywhere near the front and trotted home about 75th out of 100.
If I knew then what I know now I could have told myself;
"It was my first time, I was, therefore, inexperienced and I lost out to runners who had trained harder and had been running for longer, There is no shame in that all I have to do is train as hard as them and I will improve. Anyway, my target should be to improve each time I compete so even if I finish 50th next time that would be a significant step."
Sadly the logic of a 12 year old with low self esteem doesn't work like that that. it says
"Here is another piece of evidence that you are out of your depth and you will never amount to anything, you may as well give up."
So I did, which obviously is a regret.
But I try to use that regret as a source of motivation and I am still running, cycling etc now in my mid forties. Although I never win any events, that is obviously not important anymore.
This attitude of giving up easily prevailed throughout by early teens until when I was 16 I discovered the cure. It came in cans like the one below (the sexist nature of the cans is another subject but everyone in my city just accepted them as part of life.)
A house party, six cans of this and my old social fears, shyness and anxiety disappeared in one evening! Problem solved I thought, why hadn't anyone said!.
As you can imagine this story does not end well, the following morning I was back to my usual shy self but with a list of new regrets to add! Worse off than ever.
I will go into more depth in the future on drinking, but, for a million reasons, it is not the answer.
I don't touch it anymore whatsoever, I'm an avid reader of some really good sober blogs like mummy was a secret drinker and soberistas.
It is like many things that appear initially promising, just another confidence thief.
Cheers
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