I bumped into a very old friend a couple of weeks ago. He reminded me of a book I nagged him to reading back in the early nineties which I had completely forgotten about.
Amazingly, not only had my old pal remembered the Tao of Pooh, he had also studied Taoism further trying to blend some of the key messages into his life. He urged me to look into it further again and reread the book. As soon as I was home I was straight onto Amazon to order a paperback copy. It was not available in Kindle format!
Delving back into a book I loved when I was 21 in my mid forties was a bit odd. It was a little like going back to childhood playground or old school. It was recognisable but seemed and seemed a bit smaller.
However, the main lessons of Taoism sound very worthwhile; don't try to be someone you are not, maintain humility and humbleness and keep faith in ourselves maintaining patience as "every thousand mile journey starts with a single step."
I think I'll read some more on Taoism.
Cheers
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
Sunday, 19 March 2017
Confidence and Teamwork
I am reading Matthew Syed's latest book The Greatest at the moment. It is exactly the type of book I love delving deeper into sports of all types to identify lessons for success in life.
One point in particular struck me. His disdain for personal awards in team sports like football such as world player of the year which has been shared between Messi and Ronaldo for the last few years. However, the point Syed makes is that these players would be nothing without their teammates to carry out the less glamorous ball winning and passing duties.
He has a point.
Which got me thinking. We are all members of teams one way or another whether that is in relationships or the workplace and it is our duty to be good team mates to ensure others can shine and do the best they can. So even if we don't gain any personal accolades we can be save in the knowledge we have made life better for others. And nothing can provide a greater confidence boost than that.
Cheers
One point in particular struck me. His disdain for personal awards in team sports like football such as world player of the year which has been shared between Messi and Ronaldo for the last few years. However, the point Syed makes is that these players would be nothing without their teammates to carry out the less glamorous ball winning and passing duties.
He has a point.
Which got me thinking. We are all members of teams one way or another whether that is in relationships or the workplace and it is our duty to be good team mates to ensure others can shine and do the best they can. So even if we don't gain any personal accolades we can be save in the knowledge we have made life better for others. And nothing can provide a greater confidence boost than that.
Cheers
Tuesday, 7 March 2017
The Iceberg Illusion
I love this graphic which I stole from Matthew Syed's twitter feed. It sums things up perfectly. When something looks really easy or second nature to someone, there has generally been a lot of work put in.
Sunday, 5 March 2017
How to persuade someone to change their mind...
Seventeenth century philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal a brief but productive life. He died the age of 39 but not before some remarkmarkable theories and discoveries.
There was a story in the papers earlier in the week as he apparently preempted psychologists by hundreds of years by developing a theory of how to persuade others to change their view.
The secret, apparently, is not to argue black is black or white is white. Rather, we should describe our view in the perspective of allowing the other person to see the whole story while not actually disagreeing with their view. This allows them to take on board new information or adopt a view without having to swallow their pride and accept they are wrong.
I think many of us who lack confidence can be concerned about being assertive enough the persuade others. But being bolshy isn't necessary merely providing a full view of the facts!
Cheers
There was a story in the papers earlier in the week as he apparently preempted psychologists by hundreds of years by developing a theory of how to persuade others to change their view.
The secret, apparently, is not to argue black is black or white is white. Rather, we should describe our view in the perspective of allowing the other person to see the whole story while not actually disagreeing with their view. This allows them to take on board new information or adopt a view without having to swallow their pride and accept they are wrong.
I think many of us who lack confidence can be concerned about being assertive enough the persuade others. But being bolshy isn't necessary merely providing a full view of the facts!
Cheers
Thursday, 2 March 2017
Too much confidence is even worse....
It is doubtful whether this issue would be a realistic concern for any of us. I suppose our journey to increasing self belief would be complete if we grew over confident. However, I think this could be even worse than failing self esteem.
Lets take our old friend Donald Trump who recently awarded himself an A for effort after the initial few weeks of Precidency. He is now waking up to the harsh reality of 24/7 coverage from the world media and we have had a number of embarassing episodes. The Mike Flynn resignation, the courts blocking his executive order for the travel ban, his arbitrary bans on various media organisations and now we have his Attorney General Jeff Sessions in hot water over his links to the Russian administration.
It's not so easy being in the hot seat as it was being the rogue, populist outsider only a few months ago. This is only after a few weeks as well without any real negative foreign affairs or economic issues to deal with. All these problems have been created internally driven by Trump's hubris.
I suppose the moral of the story is that it is positive to try to build our own confidence but be very wary of those who display too much. It generally leads to disaster.
Cheers
Lets take our old friend Donald Trump who recently awarded himself an A for effort after the initial few weeks of Precidency. He is now waking up to the harsh reality of 24/7 coverage from the world media and we have had a number of embarassing episodes. The Mike Flynn resignation, the courts blocking his executive order for the travel ban, his arbitrary bans on various media organisations and now we have his Attorney General Jeff Sessions in hot water over his links to the Russian administration.
It's not so easy being in the hot seat as it was being the rogue, populist outsider only a few months ago. This is only after a few weeks as well without any real negative foreign affairs or economic issues to deal with. All these problems have been created internally driven by Trump's hubris.
I suppose the moral of the story is that it is positive to try to build our own confidence but be very wary of those who display too much. It generally leads to disaster.
Cheers
Sunday, 26 February 2017
Dr Steve Peters for Kids
There was a report recently in the local media here in Scotland about some research conducted at a school in Scotland in helping the pupils deal with stress. The report went to say that around 40% of the pupils were stressed and needed extra support. They cited the twin stresses of forthcoming exams (an age old problem) and the pressure to appear to have a perfect life on social media (a newer problem).
I think my old friend Dr Steve Peters has a lot of really useful input here and my view is that his theories should be taught to children as well as adults.
This video is a really useful starting point.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6bHxhfJGIU
Cheers
I think my old friend Dr Steve Peters has a lot of really useful input here and my view is that his theories should be taught to children as well as adults.
This video is a really useful starting point.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6bHxhfJGIU
Cheers
Sunday, 19 February 2017
Building Confidence in Children - Carol Dweck
Carol Dweck has completed some very interesting research into how to motivate and support individuals and children in particular.
Startlingly, she concludes that tell children they are smart and clever can be damaging to them. This is because if a child believes they are smart they are less likely to push themselves as they don't want to fail and lose their "smart" label.
Better to reward children for being determined, willing to attempt challenging tasks and showing grit. These should motivate kids to keep going even if they fail at first.
Cheers
Startlingly, she concludes that tell children they are smart and clever can be damaging to them. This is because if a child believes they are smart they are less likely to push themselves as they don't want to fail and lose their "smart" label.
Better to reward children for being determined, willing to attempt challenging tasks and showing grit. These should motivate kids to keep going even if they fail at first.
Cheers
Thursday, 9 February 2017
The point of this blog
The point of this bog is to help others (and myself) become more confident. I am fortunate that I have managed to build my confidence, slowly, over many years.
Daniel Coyle's blog is one of the many really useful resources I use. It can be found here http://thetalentcode.com/
One of the lessons I have learned is that we can all reach a high level of compentence in any skill we chose. We just have to apply ourselves to engage in purposeful practice over a sustained period of time. The videos on the improvements that can be made in table tennis and playing the violin are amazing.
I think, however, we need to be kind to ourselves. Learning and progress is messy and certainly does not move in a straight line. I think when learning a new skill we can be easily put off initially as we don't feel we are making enough immediate progress. If we view it as a process with peaks and plateaus we can become a little more relaxed about it and not expect massive improvements every day. We should only judge our progress after a sustained period.
The good news is that we can also apply this logic to the skill of building our confidence. Don't anticipate overnight success or even large improvements in a short space of time, just incremental improvements on a weekly basis.
Cheers
Daniel Coyle's blog is one of the many really useful resources I use. It can be found here http://thetalentcode.com/
One of the lessons I have learned is that we can all reach a high level of compentence in any skill we chose. We just have to apply ourselves to engage in purposeful practice over a sustained period of time. The videos on the improvements that can be made in table tennis and playing the violin are amazing.
I think, however, we need to be kind to ourselves. Learning and progress is messy and certainly does not move in a straight line. I think when learning a new skill we can be easily put off initially as we don't feel we are making enough immediate progress. If we view it as a process with peaks and plateaus we can become a little more relaxed about it and not expect massive improvements every day. We should only judge our progress after a sustained period.
The good news is that we can also apply this logic to the skill of building our confidence. Don't anticipate overnight success or even large improvements in a short space of time, just incremental improvements on a weekly basis.
Cheers
Wednesday, 18 January 2017
Pilates
As I may have mentioned before I have found exercising really beneficial to improve physical and mental well being and can be slightly addictive.
I have been running regularly for the last 10 years or so and cycling for about 5. I also try to do a bit of amateur yoga as I am not the most flexible.
However, I pilates recently and what a difference, it improves posture, composure as well as conditioning and strength I hope. I remember the recently retired Manchester United player Ryan Giggs stating that he felt his career had been prolonged by regularly taking pilates classes.
I'm still a complete novice and have only tried beginners videos on Youtube but it is well worth a try.
Cheers
I have been running regularly for the last 10 years or so and cycling for about 5. I also try to do a bit of amateur yoga as I am not the most flexible.
However, I pilates recently and what a difference, it improves posture, composure as well as conditioning and strength I hope. I remember the recently retired Manchester United player Ryan Giggs stating that he felt his career had been prolonged by regularly taking pilates classes.
I'm still a complete novice and have only tried beginners videos on Youtube but it is well worth a try.
Cheers
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
Self Esteem and Dopamine - Simon Sinek
I really enjoyed Simon Sinek's youtube interview about the generation known as millenials. He talks about many of the subjects we have covered here; self esteem as a result of failed parenting strategies and dopamine hits as a result of getting positive feedback on social media. These factors have affected younger people more than others.
He goes on to say prolonged periods on social media result in people feeling worse rather than better about life. Younger people are becoming reliant on devices rather than friends resulting in superficial friendships. It all sounds like a recipe for a lack of confidence and increased likelihoods of depression.
Instant gratification is another expectation younger people have; however, we only become fulfilled where we put the work in over the long term. Really interesting viewing.
What it here at
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU
Cheers
He goes on to say prolonged periods on social media result in people feeling worse rather than better about life. Younger people are becoming reliant on devices rather than friends resulting in superficial friendships. It all sounds like a recipe for a lack of confidence and increased likelihoods of depression.
Instant gratification is another expectation younger people have; however, we only become fulfilled where we put the work in over the long term. Really interesting viewing.
What it here at
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU
Cheers
Monday, 2 January 2017
Happy New Year?
There is a view that 2016 was not a great year; a stream of very popular celebrities many for here in the UK passed away at a depressingly speedy rate throughout the year.
Combine this with the puzzling Brexit vote and the election of Donald Trump across the Atlantic many would have you believe that last year was the worst ever.
But was it really?
The UK team enjoyed unprecedented success at the Rio games, Andy Murray won Wimbledon and my own football team enjoyed a very successful time.
So what can we conclude from this?
All the events I mentioned are objective, there are plenty who have a completely opposing view. Also I had no direct influence over them. We can be hostages to fortune if we look to external events to ensure we feel happy.
Happiness and confidence are an inside job, for every time your team or sports star overachieves they will also fail to meet expectations. So how to we ensure we are happy; meditation, eating healthily, plenty of exercise and treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves. That's what I'll be doing as well as having my fingers crossed Donald Trump isn't re-elected in 202, hopefully there will only be four years of damage done!
Cheers
Combine this with the puzzling Brexit vote and the election of Donald Trump across the Atlantic many would have you believe that last year was the worst ever.
But was it really?
The UK team enjoyed unprecedented success at the Rio games, Andy Murray won Wimbledon and my own football team enjoyed a very successful time.
So what can we conclude from this?
All the events I mentioned are objective, there are plenty who have a completely opposing view. Also I had no direct influence over them. We can be hostages to fortune if we look to external events to ensure we feel happy.
Happiness and confidence are an inside job, for every time your team or sports star overachieves they will also fail to meet expectations. So how to we ensure we are happy; meditation, eating healthily, plenty of exercise and treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves. That's what I'll be doing as well as having my fingers crossed Donald Trump isn't re-elected in 202, hopefully there will only be four years of damage done!
Cheers
Monday, 5 December 2016
Daniel Coyle
I always enjoy reading Dan Coyle's blog and his recent article on leadership and how strong leaders are often willing to undertake mundane and seemingly trivial tasks like sweeping up or collecting litter.
It ensures that the rest of the team don't believe that they are superior and that the success of the team is more important than anyone individual.
You can read more at http://thetalentcode.com/
It must take a huge amount of humility and inner, quiet confidence to be able, as a leader, to tidy up and sweep floors as some of the leaders like John Wooden or Ray Kroc do as described by Coyle.
On the same subject there is a great book on the ethos of the All Blacks rugby team called Legacy by James Kerr which I strongly recommend. Kerr discusses one of the All Black's core rules to be part of the team and ensure continued success. "No Dickheads." is the protocol stands out and it says it all really
Cheers
It ensures that the rest of the team don't believe that they are superior and that the success of the team is more important than anyone individual.
You can read more at http://thetalentcode.com/
It must take a huge amount of humility and inner, quiet confidence to be able, as a leader, to tidy up and sweep floors as some of the leaders like John Wooden or Ray Kroc do as described by Coyle.
On the same subject there is a great book on the ethos of the All Blacks rugby team called Legacy by James Kerr which I strongly recommend. Kerr discusses one of the All Black's core rules to be part of the team and ensure continued success. "No Dickheads." is the protocol stands out and it says it all really
Cheers
Sunday, 20 November 2016
What have I learned so far?
When I started this project back in July my somewhat ambitious objective was to blog about confidence every day for a year to see if this would have an impact on my own confidence levels. This is an idea I had stolen from a book called the Happiness Project which had the same aim except with happiness obviously.
I managed to keep the daily posts going for the first few months but it became increasingly ore difficult to find the time and subject matter to blog every day.
However, I am keeping going and still posting as often as possible when I have the time and something to say.
What is the most important lesson I have learned so far?
Confidence is partly a skill we can develop and improve upon although individuals begin with differing levels of self belief initially.
However, it is in our own hands and if we implement some of the tools and techniques available we can build our self belief regardless of what life may throw at us.
Cheers
I managed to keep the daily posts going for the first few months but it became increasingly ore difficult to find the time and subject matter to blog every day.
However, I am keeping going and still posting as often as possible when I have the time and something to say.
What is the most important lesson I have learned so far?
Confidence is partly a skill we can develop and improve upon although individuals begin with differing levels of self belief initially.
However, it is in our own hands and if we implement some of the tools and techniques available we can build our self belief regardless of what life may throw at us.
Cheers
Monday, 14 November 2016
Well what a week
I think the world is now beginning to calm down slightly after the shock of the Trump election victory across the Atlantic.
Here in Britain, in particular, there are few who are not slightly concerned about the implications domestically and on the international stage. It was also a little disconcerting to see our very own political firebrand Nigel Farage on a jolly with the man of the moment at Trump Towers.
For those of us lacking the confidence (or arrogance) levels of Trump or Farage it is difficult to square the circle. How can they face the cameras, smile and joke when they know so many people worldwide hold them in disdain for their extreme views?
Would it be an advantage to have those levels of confidence? Perhaps it doesn't appear to have done that pair any harm.
However, I think most of us, even with a modicum of self awareness, realise that they are also slightly detached from reality. The smiles will be over soon enough a couple of years down the line when the promises have been broken and the situation is worse rather than improved.
I don't think we should aspire to have those levels of confidence where it is actually arrogance as a little humility is actually a far more positive trait.
Cheers
Here in Britain, in particular, there are few who are not slightly concerned about the implications domestically and on the international stage. It was also a little disconcerting to see our very own political firebrand Nigel Farage on a jolly with the man of the moment at Trump Towers.
For those of us lacking the confidence (or arrogance) levels of Trump or Farage it is difficult to square the circle. How can they face the cameras, smile and joke when they know so many people worldwide hold them in disdain for their extreme views?
Would it be an advantage to have those levels of confidence? Perhaps it doesn't appear to have done that pair any harm.
However, I think most of us, even with a modicum of self awareness, realise that they are also slightly detached from reality. The smiles will be over soon enough a couple of years down the line when the promises have been broken and the situation is worse rather than improved.
I don't think we should aspire to have those levels of confidence where it is actually arrogance as a little humility is actually a far more positive trait.
Cheers
Tuesday, 8 November 2016
The big vote
Today sees many millions of American voters take to the polls to elect their next president. The world watches on, with many here in the UK hoping for a majority for Clinton. Neither candidate is especially inspiring but the prevailing view is that the Democratic candidate will be a safer pair of hands as opposed to the unpredictable demagogue.
On the International stage someone as volatile and unpredictable as Trump is a clear liability. It appears he has no understanding of the risks invovled or the delicate relationships that maintain peace. The mutual repect he also has with Putin may come to an end pretty quickly too. It appears he is just there as a result of his own confidence and self belief. And a fair dose of arrogance.
If we could just have a small amount of that confidence. Just not too much!
Things I am grateful for
1. My wife has a university assessment today and I'm really proud of her as she is doing so well.
2. Scotland play England at football on Friday night which is exciting many of us here in Glasgow.
3. The snow that has been forecast looks like it may be rain now, which is a relief although I must be getting old. I used to love the snow!
Cheers
On the International stage someone as volatile and unpredictable as Trump is a clear liability. It appears he has no understanding of the risks invovled or the delicate relationships that maintain peace. The mutual repect he also has with Putin may come to an end pretty quickly too. It appears he is just there as a result of his own confidence and self belief. And a fair dose of arrogance.
If we could just have a small amount of that confidence. Just not too much!
Things I am grateful for
1. My wife has a university assessment today and I'm really proud of her as she is doing so well.
2. Scotland play England at football on Friday night which is exciting many of us here in Glasgow.
3. The snow that has been forecast looks like it may be rain now, which is a relief although I must be getting old. I used to love the snow!
Cheers
Sunday, 6 November 2016
Everyone can Learn and Improve
When we are low on confidence it is easy to caught in a cycle of despair. We try something, it doesn't work out initially, we give up and say "It's pointless, I'm no use at anything." Sound familiar?
The Growth Mindset, first described by Carol Dweck, gives us a chance to break out of that loop. If we work hard enough and persist we can gain success. But what is success? If we widen our definition of success and say any situation where we can learn and grow as a person is a success then it can be quite liberating.
An example would be if we took up a new sport like golf or running. We may never achieve success in terms of winning trophies or even matches/races but we will still be better off than if we had never started it in the first place.
Reasons to be grateful
1. It is a glorious sunny autumn morning although it is a bit chilly!
2. I made it out for a 24 mile cycle this morning and there is nothing to you appreciate a warm house than being out training in the cold.
3. We are heading out for dinner at a local restaurant later.
Cheers
The Growth Mindset, first described by Carol Dweck, gives us a chance to break out of that loop. If we work hard enough and persist we can gain success. But what is success? If we widen our definition of success and say any situation where we can learn and grow as a person is a success then it can be quite liberating.
An example would be if we took up a new sport like golf or running. We may never achieve success in terms of winning trophies or even matches/races but we will still be better off than if we had never started it in the first place.
Reasons to be grateful
1. It is a glorious sunny autumn morning although it is a bit chilly!
2. I made it out for a 24 mile cycle this morning and there is nothing to you appreciate a warm house than being out training in the cold.
3. We are heading out for dinner at a local restaurant later.
Cheers
Thursday, 3 November 2016
The Natural Ebbs and Flows of the Mind
I have learned over the years that our mood, mind and levels of self esteem are constantly changing and evolving. There is a temptation sometimes to take a mood snapshot and decide that our lowest point is representative of the overall picture.
The ability to take a step back from our thoughts and view them as naturally occurring highs and lows is a skill which can be learned. Meditation is a great way to alter how we feel about ourselves and is relatively easy to start, there are loads of resources online and many of them are free. I use buddanet although I wouldn't describe myself as a Buddhist (I love bacon sandwiches too much to be a veggie for a start!) but that doesn't really matter, it is still easy to practice mindfulness.
Things I a grateful for
1. I love reading but can't find the time at the moment, but there are plenty of books out there I will read when I get round to it.
2. It is Friday tomorrow which means I will have a short but really relaxing weekend.
3. I am having curry for dinner tomorrow.
Cheers
The ability to take a step back from our thoughts and view them as naturally occurring highs and lows is a skill which can be learned. Meditation is a great way to alter how we feel about ourselves and is relatively easy to start, there are loads of resources online and many of them are free. I use buddanet although I wouldn't describe myself as a Buddhist (I love bacon sandwiches too much to be a veggie for a start!) but that doesn't really matter, it is still easy to practice mindfulness.
Things I a grateful for
1. I love reading but can't find the time at the moment, but there are plenty of books out there I will read when I get round to it.
2. It is Friday tomorrow which means I will have a short but really relaxing weekend.
3. I am having curry for dinner tomorrow.
Cheers
Wednesday, 2 November 2016
Remaining Confident at all times
It is probably fair to say there is a fair amount of disillusionment and complaining at my work at the moment.
I remember reading a few years ago now in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (I think, it was a while ago!) that it is generally a bad idea to be seen to complain or criticise others behind their back. The listener actually associates the negative points being complained about in another person with the person telling them. So if you want others to have a positive view of you, stay away from the gossip!
I have tried to that and been reasonably successful but at the moment everyone seems to be moaning about everyone else. It is not a great time. Nobody seems grateful we have secure, reasonably well paid jobs.
Things I am grateful for
1. I have a job I really enjoy despite all the complaining.
2. My departmental colleagues are really nice people and we rarely have a disagreement.
3. I managed 30 minutes training on the bike today and feel so much better for it.
Cheers
I remember reading a few years ago now in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (I think, it was a while ago!) that it is generally a bad idea to be seen to complain or criticise others behind their back. The listener actually associates the negative points being complained about in another person with the person telling them. So if you want others to have a positive view of you, stay away from the gossip!
I have tried to that and been reasonably successful but at the moment everyone seems to be moaning about everyone else. It is not a great time. Nobody seems grateful we have secure, reasonably well paid jobs.
Things I am grateful for
1. I have a job I really enjoy despite all the complaining.
2. My departmental colleagues are really nice people and we rarely have a disagreement.
3. I managed 30 minutes training on the bike today and feel so much better for it.
Cheers
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
Catching negative thoughts
CBT literature tells us about catching negative thoughts. I think we can all be guilty of believing negative thoughts as they enter our head and never really challenge them. This can then lead to negative belief patterns becoming part of us.
It is a difficult habit to get into, we happily challenge other things in life, but not our own thoughts, we trust them and believe them to be the only version of the truth. But are we correct to do that?
Should we try to become a high court judge in our life, passing evidence based on judgement rather than just thoughts that may enter our mind.
Three things to be grateful for
Firstly, my oldest son is doing really well at school and got 10/10 in a maths test today.
Secondly, my wife, who is putting massive pressure on herself by completing a degree and working full time is doing really well even though she doubts herself.
Thirdly, the team I support won at the weekend in a big semi final which was great.
Cheers
It is a difficult habit to get into, we happily challenge other things in life, but not our own thoughts, we trust them and believe them to be the only version of the truth. But are we correct to do that?
Should we try to become a high court judge in our life, passing evidence based on judgement rather than just thoughts that may enter our mind.
Three things to be grateful for
Firstly, my oldest son is doing really well at school and got 10/10 in a maths test today.
Secondly, my wife, who is putting massive pressure on herself by completing a degree and working full time is doing really well even though she doubts herself.
Thirdly, the team I support won at the weekend in a big semi final which was great.
Cheers
Monday, 24 October 2016
Britain and America; Divided by a Common Language?
As we watch the US election, featuring two candidates clearly not short on confidence, from here in the UK most of us are really puzzled.
I've not met one person who regards Donald Trump as anything other than a danger and a menace. Very few, here, would ever consider voting for him.
Yet in the USA he is polling at 43% and has a reasonable chance of winning. Are the USA and Britain so different now that we have very little in common other than our language?
Interesting times ahead.
Cheers
I've not met one person who regards Donald Trump as anything other than a danger and a menace. Very few, here, would ever consider voting for him.
Yet in the USA he is polling at 43% and has a reasonable chance of winning. Are the USA and Britain so different now that we have very little in common other than our language?
Interesting times ahead.
Cheers
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